Basically what I'm talking about is how those people who choose to believe in nothing are trying to push the insistance that nothing beyond what we can see could possibly exist. Is the idea of belief in something so horribly offensive that it should never been seen by the general public? Why can't I say "Merry Christmas" to some one without fear of insulting them? As a parent I have a legal right to control what my child is taught in regards to religion but I don't have a legal right to control what my child is taught in regards to controvertial science that may contradict what I might wish to teach them about religion? Why are my beliefs so threatening to other people?
Now I will admit that a lot of what I have seen is coming from one place, that tends to draw like minded people that hate religion. So my observations may be a bit skewed, or maybe abit ahead of where we are socially. I suspect that even if society's idea of religion isn't where I think it is, it will be eventually just simply do to the trends that we're currently seeing. I'm talking about how people are being forced to exclude religion from public life in every way possible. You can't say Merry Christmas any more, because somebody is going to get offended. You can't make Christmas about Christ anymore, infact if you refrence christianity at all you'll get a lecture on how all christian hollidays were stolen from the pagans.
Another very major sign is how any show of religion is being pushed out of government. You know what I don't care if congress opens with a prayer, or what every else they might do. If it makes them feel that they are performing their jobs better, then I say let them do it. However no one seems to have a problem with religion based legislation that restricts freedoms of groups that probably do not follow that religion. (Yes I am talking about gay rights here) I am also really disturbed about how historians are rewritting history so that it is more PC. You know what, there is nothing wrong with recognising that our founding father's were Christian, recognising this fact does not mean that you have to be christain too. Along the same lines, there is no need to rewrite history so that prominate scienists are no longer reflected as christian, for the exact same reasons, their faith should have no bearing on yours or on the science you may be involved in.
Science has of course been a major battle field for this particular issue. I've harped on it a number of times, and I'm starting to think that this is a war that will never end simply due to the fact that neither side is willing to sit down and compair notes. Instead religious scientists are being discredited, not because of their science but because of their religion. Unwanted results that support a religous theory are being thrown out because only bad science could produce such results. Historical documentation that doesn't have scientific proof to back it up can no longer be considered acurate, thus persuing the truthfulness of these documents is unscientific. These methods are being used to produce the results that are wanted in areas besides just religion. I have heard of several political situations where the translations of ancient documents were changed to ensure that certain countries would not be able to get involved in the investigations those archologists were involved in.
Back to my original thought here. As I'm watching this, I keep seeing all of this as a slow ramp up to the eventual expulsion of religion from society. The slow increase of intollerance towards beliefs, appears to me to follow trends that we have seen used countless times through out history prior to persecution of various groups. I'm quite sure there are some people who have no problems with this, various ideas that people are attaching to any belief at all make it quite clear that there are some people who would love to see all the christians, muslims, pagans, budists, jews, ect. burn just simply for having belief. People who are convinced that any type of belief makes one insane, or will turn that person violent, and a danger to everyone around them.
You know, I realize that a lot of christians are assholes, with a stick up their ass. I also realize that a lot of the people who try to "sell" christianity don't understand what it's about, or can't concive of how to change their "sales" tactics to actually appeal to people today. Christianity is deffinately not perfect, so I can understand why some people have an aversion to it. We don't to look very far to see the flaws in jewdism, or the muslim religons either. Yet christianity has come a very long way from it's days of persecution and most christians will recognise how wrong that was, and would be throughly horrified if the church tried to do it again. I believe that christianity has learned from that lesson, obviously there are groups of muslims that still need to learn that lesson, but on the whole I believe that most muslims understand it aswell. Recognising that religions aren't perfect, and that we all have a lot of growing and learning to do is important.
I believe that if trends continue following their current path we will see the start of religous persection possibly within the next generation. I think we have moved to the point that people would be willing to commit acts of violence towards religons because of the types of things we're seeing right now in the middle east. I realize that if we want to have peace everyone needs to be willing change, and everyone needs to be willing to except everyone else as they are. Atheists trying to force christians to change will not work, and christians trying to force their religion on others will not work either. Yes if we want peace we might have to let other people do things we think are wrong! *gasp* oh noes! We also need to get off the high horse we're on and realize that just because some one else belives in x concept, or lives x life style, it does not mean that the rest of us have to. My friends who are gay do not force me to be gay, my pagan friends don't force me to be pagan. I have no reason to let these behaviors threaten who I am, or what I believe. I can respect my friends for who they are, and let them lead the lives they wish to lead with out having to actually be doing the same behaviors that I don't approve of. The same goes for any aspect of life where one person may differ from another, there is absolutely no reason for intolerance and persecution of any kind in reguards to any group. There just isn't.
As far as science goes, I really wish that people would stop making it about religon. I would love to see what would happen if everyone could set aside their preconvied ideas about science and religion and come together to compair notes in an open and acccepting environment. I think the results would probably surprise everyone, and might tell us alot about ourselves in the process.
- Mood:
worried
Tomorrow is 1 year...One year since my friend Tim passed away.
Little things keep poping up, and reminding me of it. I try to distract myself by playing games or what ever. But deep down, it still hurts badly. I took the day off tomorrow because I don't want to deal with work, and tomorrow evening we're going to play D&D and I'm quite sure a number of us are going to get very drunk. Unfortunately there will be no flaming bard to save our asses...I miss Tim...I miss seeing Rebecca happy...But I am trying to move forward, instead of spending the day alone sulking, I am going to spend it with my family. I don't know what we're going to do but we get the whole day together.
- Mood: sad
Because of the sheer amount of time it took me to get this updated I didn't get a chance to actually play anything. Except for checking on that one error. It blows my mind how atari could screw up this game so badly. We'll see if the other problems were fixed or not.
- Mood:
aggravated
I have been playing neverwinter nights 2 since it came out. I loved the original done by obsidian, and for the most part I love nwn2 by Atari...atleast untill lately. Last thursday I decided to wipe my computer because of a number of issues I've been having, my media player refusing to recognise codexs, issues with the registery, just tons of crap from when we originally bought it. Minor annoyances but all of them together made it worth it to start off with a clean disk. However, I've gotten just about everything installed and working except for nwn2. I have installed it about 3 times now, and can not get it to work properly. Either the patcher wouldn't work, or the game is unstable, or ingame textures are gone. I just don't understand how it could work just find for the last 2 years, and now I can't get it to work to save my life.
When it comes to technical support...forget about it, atari doesn't seem to even understand the meaning of the word. There is literally nothing on their website for either game. Error messages? apparently atari's games don't generate error messages, because there is nothing on their website to help figure out what was wrong. Oh, and the patcher...youd' think if there was a server side error with that they would want to get it fixed fairly quickly right? well you'd be wrong. 3 days! It took them atleast 3 days to fix the patcher, and then it couldn't find the updates once it would actually connect to the server again. Is this rocket science? Is it so difficult to keep one's servers working properly?
I know I hate having to call or email tech support or customer service. I expect to be able to solve most problems myself, because it's not that difficult. However there are a few games out there, and I'm rather sad to have to include NWN2 on this list, that seem to either underestimate their user's abilities, or just don't think it'll be nessicary. Vanguard is another one like that, I can't tell you how much that game agrivates me. But it is sooooo beautiful, and at one time had so much potential. But when you send out disks with a CORRUPTED file on them, there's a serious problem. Also when your FAQs and trouble shooting guides consist of just enough entries to count on both hands, you gotta realise that the people who would have the skill to fix a lot of problems themselves are not going to be happy.
You'd also think that these companies would realize that they'd be making their lives a hell of a lot easier if they'd just publish this type of info. I suspect that more people understand and are able to work with computers then the techies would like to think, and if they can distribute that load off of their CSRs their CSRs would be a lot happier having to deal with fewer calls and emails.
Well, I guess I'm gonna unistall again tonight and try and see if I can get it to work. I really really really just want to play with out haveing to restart the stupid thing every 5 minutes. Also how the hell can an object in the begginning of the first game that has had the correct image for the last 2 years suddenly disappear and turn into the unedited red box????? I don't understand!
- Mood: aggravated
The march through the forest was long and cold, very little was said as they fled from the ancient castle. Angelic just walked with them numbly, her mind refusing to comprehend what had happened in the last few hours. Fear chased on their heels, as they made their way as quickly as possible through the thick ancient forests that surrounded the old building. The sun slowly rising in the sky, and then began its descent. Yet they never stopped.
Near dusk they reached a cave hidden by a thick copse of trees. They passed into the cave and there was a pause as Michael light a small lantern before continuing into the shadowy depts. The silence continued except for the sound of their footsteps echoing against the rock walls. However before too much longer they entered a large cavern. From the light of the small lantern Angelica couldn’t see how large but she could make out bedrolls and a table set up within the shadows cast from the lantern. The adventures began to remove their armor and weapons, and made them selves more comfortable in general. Soon a large fire was light a huge fire pit which also cast more light within the cavern. Angelica saw the cavern walls barely peaking out from the shadows. Other passages way snaked off from this room
Imildress, however, paused at Angelica’s side. “Now that we are in relative safety I believe introductions are in order. I am simply Imildress, in the order of the grey of the hidden tower. You also see Michael Crawford the youngest son of Baron Crawford who owns lands far to the south. Michael suffers from the curse that falls upon all those children of the Lords who do not happen to be the oldest. The fair maiden is Fade a ranger of the huntress. Brother Jay is a priest of the dreaming Lord, who followed me from our forest home. And of course the little one who has started preparing our dinner is Roseshade. She is a stray we picked up on the streets of Kirindal City, she is handy with a lock, and bringing a smile to your face.
Angelica quietly listened while Imildress spoke, glancing at each one as Imildress related their names. When he finished speaking Angelica glanced back to him. “What are you going to do with me?”
Imildress sighed at her words. “We will have to discuss that, there are still many questions that must be answered, and your roll in this only one of them.”
“Oh, and what is going to happen now?”
“You will stay with us until we have resolved this situation. This cave is safe, it was built as an ancient burial ground for my people. Long forgotten kings lay their kin here, it was built to easily defend the dead.”
“But what about the rest of Kirindal, there’s an army marching on it and I do not think they know of it.”
Imildress give her an odd look, “how would you know there is an army marching on to Kirindal?”
“I saw it, in a dream,” she said softly her eyes dropping to the floor.
“A dream?” said Brother Jay as he joined the two of them. “Dreams can have multiple meanings, not all of them literal.”
“I know what I saw.” she said, anger rising in her voice.
“We will figure it out child,” said Jay softly. “However I want you to get some rest, you are not well yet and this day’s journey has not been good for your health. I will bring you some food once it is ready.” With that Angelica obediently followed Jay to one of the bedrolls, and lay down. She fell asleep almost immediately, and of course she dreamed.
The darkness was thick around here as she stood so still. She felt like she had returned to her childhood home yet she could see nothing. The place felt cold and empty and lifeless. She felt the door at her back as the dream usually started, and tested the handle. With a loud squeal the door swung open, and the faintest points of light could be seen. The stars she was looking at seemed so far way, as if they were withdrawing their light from Kirindal. The moons were red orbs hanging in the black sky, a ruddy pallor over everything.
She paused in the door way, looking towards the pastures she remembered to be filled with soft green grasses. Now however there were only vague shapes scattered across the fields. She ran down the front walk, hurrying towards the field, fearful of what she might actually find. As she grew closer the shapes became more distinct until she could finally see thousands of bodies scattered across the fields. It appeared that a great war had been fought here, not a living thing could be seen save the carrion birds that fled her approach.
Blood clung to her feet, and with each step the blood seemed to get deeper. Soon she was wading through knee deep pools, but she stopped when she noticed that she could see the ruined walls of Kirindal City before her. Looking back she could still see the vague outline of the farm house beckoning her to come back to its safety. Drifting over the walls plumes of black smoke, though she couldn’t tell where exactly they were coming from.
She then noticed the bodies again; she could see so many races. Some dressed in the colors of the queen, others dressed like the north men. Even orcs with their cruel swords, and gore splattered armor lay amongst the bodies. As she looked about here, the faces were unformed, almost blank, like clay figures which the artist has not yet shaped into the visage of a man. Yet as she continued on towards the city walls, the blood getting ever deeper, the faces of the dead began to take on more detail. At first they simply looked more human, then slowly they took on details of people she had known. Until, as she neared the gates she saw the bodies of her rescuers strewn amongst the bodies of the wolves who had served Christoph. She stared at their faces, expressions of terror etched into their features as they had fallen.
Now she could see into the city, the scene before her was one of complete destruction. Billowing smoke rose up from the ruined buildings, as fires raged unseen in the distance. Slowly she walked down the main street, glad that it was dry and free from blood. Still there was not a single movement, not a sound aside from the crackling of flame and howling wind. As she went she saw heads on pikes lining the road, mostly humans, though in one place there were a cluster of elven faces. Yet as she continued she noticed that while the impaled heads were still human they seemed to take on the appearance of vampires; the unnaturally pale skin, the long eye teeth, expressions of pure malice.
She found she was near the palace, where queen rose resided. The palace it’s self was intact while everything around it was little more then piles of rubble. The impaled heads stopped where the gate would normally have been, although as she began to climb the long stairway that leads to the foyer she could see more impaled heads in the gloom. These faces stared grimly down at her as she ascended towards them. Once she was at the head of the stair she was able to make them out, and in their visages recognized the North Lords as well as Lord Kilnar’s bloodied face. A gasp escaped her lips as she saw this, and the urge to flee grew stronger with each step. Yet she willed herself forward, certain that there must be something in the palace that might give her answers.
The double doors, the grand entrance to this palace swung open as she neared it. The darkened interior reeked of decay and rot. As she passed over the thresh hold, her feet again met blood pooled over the once beautiful mosaic floors. But also she heard for the first time the sound of another living creature. It was laughter, rough, guttural and grating on Angelica’s ears. The sound of it chilled her too the bone, but she was determined to continue, and find its source.
She saw the doors to the great hall in front of her, flanked by stairs that curved upwards to the second floor on either side. Here again bodies lay thick upon the floor, guards and servants, in piles of stinking decay. Yet again as she continued the doors to the great hall swung open, and the throne room opened up before here. A cloaked figure lounged in one of the thrones, the hood covering its features. As the doors opened, it looked at her, gave such a roar that she stepped back. But instead of attacking, it beckoned to her to come forward. She continued forward feeling drawn against her will now, as she tried to resist this ominous figure with each step.
However just as the creatures fingers brushed against her cheek, Angelica saw another figure materialize behind the one on the throne. As she looked up, she saw it was herself, clutching a huge knife with white knuckles. The seconded figure put a finger to her lips as their gazes locked, and then she swung the knife around so that it nearly sliced through the figures neck in one blow. With a terrified shriek, Angelica turned and fled the blood splattering loudly as she ran.
Suddenly she was sitting up right back in the gloomy cave, shivering and breathing hard. There was silence as she saw those at the table staring at her shock or confusion written across their faces. Beside her Imildress and Brother Jay sat almost frozen in the act of shaking her awake.
Angelica looked between them, confusion crowding her face despite her trembling. “What?” she whispered.
“Are you all right?” responded Imildress
“I am fine,” she whispered again.
Imildress handed her a bowl, “eat, we will talk later.” Although he had his eyes fixed on Brother Jay as he spoke. The two of them left her on the mat to eat, as they joined the others at the table. She suddenly realized she was starving but as she began to eat the gory images from her dream came to mind and her stomach churned. After a few moments she set the bowl down beside her, and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.
The five sitting at the table were talking in low voices, apparently discussing something. Although Angelica couldn’t make out their words it was clear they weren’t in agreement. She realized she was tired of waiting for other people to make decisions regarding her future. She felt so alone now, and anger welled up in her for falling in love with Christoph. She wanted to scream but knew that wouldn’t get her anywhere. She buried her face in her knees as a few tears fell.
After what seemed like an age the group at the table seemed to come to some sort of an agreement, and fade began gathering up the dishes. Michael stalked from the room clearly very irritated. The Halfling seemed to have fallen asleep at the table during the discussion, and the two elves made their way back to Angelica.
“Are you all right Angelica?” asked Brother Jay as he sat down near her.
Angelica looked at him, her rage finally starting to come to the surface. “You guys killed the people I cared about, and now you want to know if I’m ok! What do you think?”
“I understand your anger Angelica,” began Brother Jay.
“No! I do not think you do,” She cried. “How can you? You know nothing about me, how dare you assume you do?” she cried as tears began to stream down her face.
“I know the anger of loss; both Imildress and I have lost loved ones to these monsters. Such creatures crave the love their immortality cost them, and yet what they have become makes them unworthy of it. You should not grieve for such as the Prince, his spirit will pass to which ever deity he worshiped in life for judgment.”
“You think that is consolation?” she hissed “Christoph was not the only person to die! You killed Nina; she was innocent in all of this!”
“Werewolves are dangerous creatures Angelica, should they be suffered to live they cause much damage and suffering.”
“You do not know that!” She cried as she sobbed. “Nina was innocent; she had not harmed a soul. She could not have harmed a soul.”
“She may not have wished to, but when the wolf took her, it is the wolf that dictates her actions. But take heart Angelica, the dreaming Lord provides for those such as her born to a curse they cannot control. She has found peace in his arms, and I hope that such knowledge will bring you peace. However what I wish to speak with you about is the dream you had. What did you see?” Angelica raised furious eyes towards him, but quietly related the recent vision she’d had.
“You think this is what is going to happen because of Christoph’s death?”
Angelica nodded slowly, fear mixing with the anger in her eyes. “Micale said that Christoph was the only thing keeping the other vampires in check. If it comes to war, there very well could be nothing left.”
“Yet you said one creature was still standing.”
“I never saw its face, and it was not one of the vampires I had met.”
Brother Jay seemed thoughtful for a long moment. “Do you have dreams like this often?”
“Every night I am plagued by nightmares of a horrifying nature.”
“Child,” he said softly, “I think you are more then just a human girl caught in the battle of the vampires. I think you are a child of the Dreaming Lord himself, only such would dream as true as you do.”
Angelica just gave him a strange look before speaking again. “And what have you and your friends decided to do with me?” She asked sarcasm sneaking into her voice.
“Tomorrow we ride to Kirindal City to seek council with the queen. If an army does march on the city she needs to prepare defenses. For now you should rest, tomorrow is going to be a long day of riding.” Angelica curled up on the bedroll, and slowly drifted off to sleep again.
Brother Jay’s predictions for the next day were correct. After they had packed up the small camp, horses were produced from some where, and they rode hard towards the capital city. The whole way Angelica felt as if they were being watched, malevolent, vengeful eyes seemed to burn through her back.
Michael led them on towards the city, and refused to let them stop when the sun reached the noon sky. Although it seemed the rest of the group was used to this strenuous pace. As the snow covered trees sped by, Angelica tried not to think of her first trip through these woods; as little as she could remember of it.
As the sun was drawing near the horizon the city came into view. People were thronged out side the gates, waiting to go in. They drew up at the end of the line waiting for their turn to enter. Fade had been kind enough to lend Angelica a warm cloak, but she shivered from the cold in spite of it. The sun had completely disappeared below the horizon before they were admitted to the city. The guards did little more then glance over the collected group, and give some vague warning about watching them.
They passed through the gate and on the other side was the capital city of the empire. Even though Angelica had been here before several times, she was still filled with awe at the sight. The buildings stood tall built of stone and wood; they were simple structures but were the pride of the people here. At the center of the city, a mile or so from where they sat atop their horses now, the spires of the queen’s palace could be seen peaking over the roofs of the surrounding buildings.
Michael directed them to a small but upper scale inn near the palace. He had the horses stabled as the others entered and reserved rooms. Once they were all seated around a large table Michael indicated that they would rest tonight, and see the queen the first thing in the morning. So that night Angelica slept in a room with Fade and Roseshade, and again she dreamed of the battle field, and the destroyed city.
The next morning Angelica woke, and went down to the common room of the inn. She found her breakfast waiting for her, and both Brother Jay, and Imildress deep in discussion. Yet nothing was to be seen of the others as Angelica sat down and began to eat. After a few moments the two elves turned their attention to her.
“How are you this morning Angelica?” Asked Imildress
“I’m fine, where is everyone else?”
“They have gone to schedule a meeting with the queen. They promised to call us if they were able to get that meeting today.”
“Wouldn’t the queen make something like this a priority?”
“She may, assuming she believes us. However her advisors most likely will not.”
Angelica frowned deeply, this unsettling her somehow. “But we have no idea how close they may be, we can’t stall now or there may be no hope!” She cried staring at the two incredulously.
Imildress laid a hand on her arm. “I know, but we must wait. If we act impatiently then the advisors may never allow us access to the queen.” And they did wait, the hours slowly crawled by and the inn was oddly empty as no one came in even for the mid day meal. As the sun was sinking towards the door burst open and four of the queen’s guards entered. Their faces were grim as the glanced about the room, their eyes finally settling on the girl sitting with the two elves.
“Angelica McGregor?” said one of them to her as they approached the table the three were sitting at. Angelica nodded slightly in response.
“Her Majesty Queen rose has requested your presence in her chambers at once.” Angelica looked at Brother Jay and Imildress questioningly. They rose, and motioned for her to follow them which she did.
They left the inn, but Angelica quickly noticed that the streets were completely empty. She could not see a soul about even though last night the city had been a bustle with activity. However as they were close to the palace all ready, it did not take long for them to reach their destination.
Inside the palace it was just as quiet as the streets. Angelica had often imagined what it must be like in this place, with servants bustling about. Yet today there was almost no activity to be seen. Even as they were led into the throne room, the only other living bodies to be seen were those of their companions and the queen who sat imperiously on her throne. The guards led them up to the queen, and left them bowing at the foot of the dais.
The queen was a tall slender woman, both proud and noble in bearing. Her face was kind, and etched with laugh lines. Her white hair was neatly spun into a bun and the back of her neck and atop her head rested the Kirindal crown. A delicately crafted circlet encrusted in gems. She wore a simple green surcoat edged in silver with no other adornment.
“Rise” She said calmly although the look in her eye belied that calm. Her gaze fell on Angelica, and a slight expression of relief briefly passed her face. “Oh, Angelica I would recognize your face anywhere. How you look like your father, yet so beautiful like your mother.” The queen smiled, and then stood descending the dais so that she was on eye level with the young girl. “Angelica I wish I had time to explain what is going on, yet I suspect you know more then I. There is an army at my gate, lead by a traitor to the crown and here you are with a merry band that spins lively tails.” For a moment she glanced at Michael, irritation clearly showing on her face. “Tell me what you think of the traitor Christoph D’Marcos?”
Angelica looked at the queen in consternation. “But your Majesty,” she stammered, “Christoph is dead. I saw him enveloped by the light of Imildress’ spell.” Tears threatening to break free as she spoke, “Christoph did not betray you, Lord Kilnar did. He has been setting up a betrayal for Christoph for a long time.”
“How do you know this?” snapped the Queen.
“I saw it, in his mind when fed from me.” Feeling as if she should tell the queen everything.
“So Lord Kilnar is also one of the kindred.” She frowned deeply, “This is ill news, he holds sway over many.”
At this Michael didn’t seem to be able to hold his peace any longer. “I told you my queen, summon your armies they will come at your call. Send us to fight for you, we can send this army back to hell!”
“Silence!” she cried, giving him a look that could easily have frozen hell. “Who would come? The lords who would invariable betray the crown command my army, I doubt not that these men moved the armies northwards for this reason. No, what must be done, is to find those traitors and administer justice to them.”
As she spoke the great doors to the throne room burst open, and several dark figures entered. As they moved into the light, Angelica recognized the visages of Kilnar, the north lords, and several faces she did not recognize. Lord Kilnar wore a sickly grin on his face as he came forward.
“Ah, my queen, it is such a pleasure to see you in such good health.” He sneered at her, “by now I am quite sure you have noticed our guests at our gates, how they call for your dear Prince Christoph to be named king.”
“Hold your tongue Lord Kilnar, I have no patience for your tricks.” She spat back at him, much to his amusement.
“Ah, I see you have all ready had answers.” He chuckled, “and it appears you have a gift for me.” He said as he spied Angelica standing between the two elves. “You would do well to execute these traitors, they spread lies, and deceit in fact they are probably working for the traitorous prince.”
“Silence!” commanded the queen again. “You will not succeed in this Kilnar, and in fact I strip you of your title. Lord no more shall you be, and your name shall be spat upon by my people as a traitor, demon that you are.”
“I suppose I have no choice then, to take the crown, I cannot in good conscious leave the crown in the hands of one who has so recklessly allowed the empire to be over run.” he moved towards the throne and sat down, a cruel smile of satisfaction resting on his lips.
“We shall destroy you!” cried Michael as he started to draw his sword. Yet one of the other men was on him in a minute and knocked him to the floor with a cruel blow to the solar plexus.
“Does anyone else wish to oppose me?” No one moved, except for Michael as a lay gasping on the floor. “Then you, girl,” he motioned to Angelica with an expression that made her skin crawl. “Attend me, you are mine!” Angelica felt herself drawn towards him, her feet moving despite her will to remain where she was. And in a moment she was standing at the throne before him. Kilnar lounged looking up at her, for a long moment before speaking again. “We will have more fun then you can believe.”
A sound at the door way made everyone turn, and there was a tall disheveled figure, face covered by a deep cowl. The cloths were tattered and torn, and spattered with much blood. As the figure moved into the room, the hood slipped back, revealing Christoph, blood covered his face and dripped from his fangs. His eyes were wild, and filled a blood lust that chilled Angelica to the bone. It was clear to her that the beast had gained control of the man she knew.
The two elves grabbed Angelica and the queen dragging them away from the center of the fray. Then the 5 of them formed a half circle about the queen and Angelica, determined to protect them.
Then the figure flew into a rage, leaping onto Kilnar as a lion might leap onto its prey. The other vampires formed a line, attempting to aid their chosen leader. Yet no one moved as Christoph tore Kilnar’s throat out in a shower of blood. A few moments, and Christoph dropped the lifeless body of Kilnar on the floor; his rage turning to the other vampires who stood before him. They stood against the enraged prince, and each one fell in a shower of blood and screams of pain. Then as the last of the traitorous vampires fell Christoph turned his eye to the group of adventures. Angelica realized they did not stand a chance against him, not in this rage at least. She pushed her way past Fade and Imildress who stood in front of her to find herself face to face the creature that now possessed Christoph’s form.
“You will not touch them!” She cried “feed from me, not them!” Christoph emitted a roar, and was upon her in a second; his teeth piercing her skin has he held her immobile. Darkness edged into her vision as she waited for the Sangris Quies to begin, unsure of what she was going to do. Yet as the shadow plane materialized about her, she saw the light, was banishing the shadow from this horrid place. The beast that was also Christoph, that man and beast raging with itself as the man attempted to assert control once more. Angelica saw the broken chains that had once held the beast, and she rushed to help Christoph control the beast. As the beast felt the chains enclosing about it once more, it roared and screamed and raged even harder. Yet the combined will of both of them was far stronger and the chains began to snake their way about the beast restraining the curse once again.
Exhaustion poured over angelica as she stepped back, seeing the beast restrained and Christoph restored. He appeared drained as well, his dark eyes finding hers as the light about them grew. Christoph wrapped his arms around her and she felt his relief wash over her as he held her.
“How is this possible, I thought you were dead.” she whispered.
Christoph held her close for a long moment before answering. “I was forced to retreat, I am sorry I was not able to protect you.”
“I’ve been so scared” but she felt her fear draining away in the comfort of his mind.
“I know, you are safe now my love.”
The blood dream faded away, and they were back in the throne room. Angelica opened her eyes, and looked up into Christoph’s face, the change was surprising. His face was calm again, and his eyes glinted with intelligence instead of rage.
“Angelica get away from him!” yelled Michael angrily behind her.
“He will not hurt you now,” she said softly as she turned to look at the others.
“He is a vampire Angelica; it is his nature to lie to you.” said Imildriss quietly.
“I know he will not harm you, please do not take him away from again.” She cried desperately.
“There will be no further violence in this matter.” said Christoph sternly, “your band can not destroy me, and for now the threat you fear has passed. The armies of the betrayers lie dead at your gates, and the betrayers lie dead at your feet. For now much work must be done to restore order and my death would not aid us in that endeavor, nor would yours.”
“Christoph you have always been my friend and trusted advisor, I am glad to know that those lies were not truth.” Queen Rose stated imperiously.
Suddenly as if some one turned a switch the castle was bustling as panicked servants and guards seemed to come out of no where. A line of about six guards burst into the throne room with weapons drawn.
“Protect the queen” one commanded.
“Your men are late captain,” responded the queen harshly. “But that may have saved their lives. Prince, I have much work to do, and for now I do not need your assistance, return to your lands and ensure that all is in order. I will call for you when I have need of you. Angelica, for your father’s sake I wish for your well being. My house is open to you for as along as you like.”
“I would prefer to stay with Christoph, but thank you.”
“Very well, I know you will be in good hands.” She turned to the 5 adventurers, with a deep frown. “You will be shown to your rooms, for now until my investigation has been completed I expect you to remain here. Your fates depend on the outcome of my investigation. Now I take my leave, captain, please ensure that my commands are followed.”
The queen left, followed by a cadre of servants, as more came to lead the adventuring group out as well. Christoph took Angelica’s hand, and lead her from the room. Angelica followed, still reeling, and feeling as if everything had been a dream. Christoph wrapped an arm about her, as they passed out of the palace and saw a carriage waiting for them. Christoph lifted her into the carriage, and gave instructions to the driver. It began moving as soon as Christoph was seated.
It was only moments before they passed through the gates of the castle. Angelica caught her breath as she looked out upon the fields, a huge force had indeed been here, and their bodies layered the field in blood and flesh. Quickly Christoph slide the curtain over the window.
“There is no need to look upon this destruction.” He lifted her face, and looked down into her eyes. “You have done more today then I could have hoped my dear. The day will come when you must lead me from this life, but today I am still needed in Kirindal.” Christoph drew her into his arms, and held her close as the carriage rolled on the sun slowly setting on the Kirindal Empire.
- Mood:
lazy
I had also planned to head up to my parent's place in the gorge because there is only one road to block off to make the house fairly unaccessable. Course there would be quite a bit of land that would still need to be checked, as other people have houses up there but we're talking like maybe 1/2 dozen people who only live there part of the year. The one problem with that house, the soil up there just wouldn't stand up to growing much food, you could do it but it wouldn't be easy. Hunting would be quite good, there's plenty of deer and such running around, you might even be able to score a peacock. From the point it would be fairly easy to just disappear into the oregon back country if need be, it's pretty much open woodland all the way to the mount hood wilderness area.
For a long while Angelica sat at the window staring out at the field of white below. Slowly she felt the thirst and weakness fading away, but her will to move did not grow any stronger. She watched as the carriage hitched to impatient horses their breaths bursts of steam in the cold air. Christoph emerged from the castle as the sun was just starting to poke its head above the horizon. A few words passed between Christoph and Micale, and then Micale retreated back into the castle. Before entering the carriage, Christopher looked up towards her window, his face impassive as a moment later he disappeared into the carriage.
She felt drained, in away she couldn’t quite put a finger on. The tonic was doing its work well. Yet her spirit felt a void where Christoph had been in her mind; as the carriage rolled away that void seemed to grow as the soft footed depression tiptoed back into her heart.
A knock came from the door, and Nina came in carrying a tray of food. She looked tired as she set the food down by Angelica. “I am sorry I did not come last night, the Prince kept everyone busy last night.” Angelica looked up at Nina with a blank expression, and the servant girl paused. “Are you all right, did some one hurt you? There’s so much blood.”
“I’m all right” responded angelica as she began to eat. “Did the other Lords leave?”
“Oh no, once Christoph returns they will hunt again every night for weeks. You do not need to worry though, Micale will be keeping you company to ensure that they don’t take advantage of the prince’s absence.”
“Oh I see.” Angelica glanced at Nina again, and wondered for a moment what her life would have been like if she had, had a friend like Nina when she was little. But dismissed the thought almost as quickly, knowing that thoughts like that would only make her feel worse.
“If you would like a bath I can have one drawn for you.”
Angelica gave Nina a slow smile, “I would like that, and I think you should get some rest, you look very tired.”
Nina cracked a smile as well, “I am, we have to work so hard when the prince has guests. It would be nice to sleep.” Nina went into the bathroom, and Angelica heard her begin to draw the bath water. As she was setting aside the try, Nina came back in.
“Go ahead and sleep on my bed, that way the other servants won’t bother you.” Angelica stood and went into the bathroom before Nina could protest. Closing the door behind her, she slowly undressed, and looked herself over in the mirror. Blood stained her skin from her neck down her front, which seemed odd from the bloodless skin below it. Her eyes seemed to be sinking into her cheeks, and her hair hung limply about her face. Her body looked as thin as it did when she had arrived, there was no sign she had been eating well for the last 4 weeks.
She eased herself into the bath water, and closed her eyes with pleasure. The heat sank into her body, and her full belly made her drowsy. Her mind seemed to float off into half sleep, as vague images passed through her mind.
The water was almost cold when she got out. She dressed, and slowly did her hair. Nina was still asleep on the bed as angelica passed through into the bedroom. Though she did notice the sun was on its descent just past noon. She sighed, and left the room, feeling the urge to walk. Her foots steps led her to the library, but when she entered she found Micale sitting in one of the chairs staring into the fireplace.
“Angelica,” He said harshly, as he glanced up at her.
“Micale, you are waiting for me?”
“Yes, Christoph commanded to me to guard you while he is away.”
“Nina told me.” Angelica passed as she looked over the rough looking man. “Can I ask you something?”
“I won’t promise an answer.”
“Why do you server Christoph.”
“My clan has served him for generations; I do not question his will.”
“So serving a vampire does not bother you?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
Angelica paused, remembering last night’s conversation with Christoph. “I’m not sure what I think.”
Micale gave her a strange look. “Not that it matters, you have sworn to serve him; though you should refrain from discussing that nature unless you are certain there are no ears about.”
“He wishes to keep it a seceret?”
“Yes, the prince walks a very fine line between the court of the vampire, and the court of the living. Perhaps you have heard of the vampire wars?”
“Christoph told me a little.”
“Well most of the truth of the events that took place, have been buried to protect the surviving vampires. When the war started the vampires naturally assumed they would have no problem decimating the humans who resisted them. However Kirindal has always used magic as a means of national defense, and when a great deal of the empire had been destroyed along with a great deal of the vampires, both sides came to the realization that they could not destroy each other with out risking mutual destruction. Thus a truce was reached; Prince Christoph commands the vampiric court and serves as an ambassador to the court of the living.
“Most of Kirindal does not know of this arrangement, and it has been thus for nearly 500 years. Christoph must ensure that this secret is kept else those who would seek fame as vampire hunters would undoubtedly attempt to destroy the vampire lords, thus starting the vampire wars anew; which is something Queen Rose would greatly desire to avoid”
“Who would possibly be listening to us?”
“Not all ears are of a physical nature, there are many powerful magicians who would greatly benefit from learning the Prince’s secrets. Also many desire to manipulate or control him to gain the ear of the queen, even to eliminate him if they could thus create a vacuum of power.”
“Does that mean he is always in danger?”
“There is always danger, especially for you, a mortal in his service.”
“What do you mean? Christoph promised to always protect me.”
Micale frowned slightly, and seemed to contemplate his answer before speaking. “You have been drawn into the vampire wars. There are constant power struggles taking place, and while the prince is normally not the focus of these power plays. When it does happen everyone suffers. As a vampire’s consort you would suffer the most of any of us should you fall into the hands of one of the vampire Lords.”
“Why?”
“Revenge, vindictiveness, vampires usually destroy everyone who served an enemy. However the blood consorts are spoils of war; whether willing or not.”
“Why did Christoph not warn me of this?” She questioned, a touch of concern spilling into her voice. And she wondered that she had not seen anything like this in Christoph’s memories.
“Only the Prince could really say. However, while there is always danger, I doubt that even the combine strength of all the vampire lords would be enough.”
“You doubt?”
“No one knows the Prince’s true power, he is an ancient vampire. There are no others even close to his age, and he gives no hint.”
“So no one knows what he is capable of?”
“No, which is part of the authority he holds.”
“Why does Christoph think I need a guard now? He did not before.”
“Because his guests will remain here, his presents kept them from going against his will. However he does not trust them to abide by his will in his absence.”
“Would they really do something?” Asked angelica feeling more unsettled as the conversation continued.
“I doubt the North Lords would, Olaf understands the reprocutions of attempting to defy Christoph. Still Anton Kilnar does not appear to have any respect or fear of the Prince, which makes him incredibly dangerous.”
“Then I’m glad you’re here to protect me.” She said jokingly, even though her mind was churning nervously over what Micale had just said. Micale just grunted in response.
The rest of the day was quiet; as Angelica got absorbed in a book. The only interruption was when Nina brought her lunch. However, everything was over shadowed by her worry of what Micale had said.
By the time she was called to Dinner, there was a cold knot of dread in her stomach. The dinning room was set up exquisitely again. Though no one else had arrived; the sun was just setting as she took her seat waiting for everyone to arrive. Micale joined her, taking a seat at the head of the table, everyone else arrived shortly taking their seats as well. The north men seemed unconcerned by Micale’s presence, but Anton glared at him as he seated himself.
“Why did Christoph leave us with his watch dog to keep us company?” He grumbled.
“Micale is far better company then you Anton!” growled Olaf, “It appears he as left us to entertain his new consort.” He gave Micale a slight nod. “How are you this eve, Lady Angelica?” He continued, looking steadily at her.
“I am well,” gulped at being addressed. She glanced at Micale as the food was being served. He was alert, but she could read nothing in his face. “How are you my Lords?”
“I and my Kinsmen are well child; Lord Anton may be a different story.”
“I have never seen Christoph neglect his guests like this!” Complained Kilnar, his eyes never leaving Angelica’s face.
“My Prince has been summoned by the Queen.” Growled Micale in Kilnar’s direction. “You know well enough that such a summons can not go unanswered.”
“Very well,” replied Kilnar, “I suppose Queen Rose has the authority to deny us our host.”
Silence fell over the room as they ate, though every time Kilnar looked at Angelica, her skin would crawl and the knot in her stomach would tighten. Angelica just picked at her food, barely able to eat anything.
“Have you enjoyed your time here?” questioned Olaf, looking back to Angelica as he pushed his plate away.
“I suppose, it has been interesting.” Replied Angelica softly, looking at Olaf steadily.
“Always remember child, Prince De’Marcos can be as cruel as he is kind.” Angelica looked confused, and Olaf smiled lightly. “Just keep that in mind, and never trust him fully.”
“Why would you say that?” questioned Angelica.
“I just give you warning.”
“I thank you for your warning My Lord, and I bid you a good eve” She responded quietly. “I am going to retire.”
“Be well child.” He said as Angelica rose. Micale rose behind her, and followed her from the room. They walked in silence to Angelica’s room, Micale staid outside as she entered.
As the door closed behind her, Angelica felt her dread lessened a little. She sat down on the window seat, and her hand brushed against the stone that Christoph had given her. She picked it up, and looked at its dark surface. It emitted a ruddy glow in the moonlight. Suddenly she realized she could feel Christoph’s presence in her mind.
“How are you this beautiful night my love?” His words echoed through her mind. “are you well,” concern tempered his words.
“I am all right, though Micale has told me the truth of my place here.”
“That worries you?”
“It does, and Lord Kilnar makes me very nervous.”
“I will be back soon to protect you.”
“What does the queen want?” Inquired Angelica
“She needs advice on a sensitive diplomatic matter.”
Angelica paused as she heard a fluttering outside her window. A large bat was flapping against the glass, the casing rattling violently and Angelica backed away from the window trembling.
“What is it my dear,” questioned Christoph as the window flew open. “Kilnar?” Christoph’s words were angry as the bat flew in quickly changing to Kilnar’s lanky form. “Kilnar!” Christoph’s voice raged in her head as the stone fell from her hand.
Kilnar’s long black hair fell about his shoulders as he looked down at her. “There’s no one here to protect you Angelica.” He said mockingly, a lustful smile on his face. “You are truly beautiful, especially when you are scared.”
The air around her grew thick, and the room spun. She glared at him, trying to regain her senses. “You should not be here.” She said slowly, her words coming in soft gasps as her chest seemed restricted. She wanted to scream to cry for Micale, but could not find the strength.
“I come and go as I please; even Christoph can not keep me from what I wish.” He took a seat, and looked at her. With each passing moment the air grew thicker, and time seemed to slow until she was gasping for breath, and could barely muster the strength to stand. “I could make you beg for me, plead for the dark gift” Kilnar laughed, “yes deny him any more of your precious blood. What perfect irony.” He flashed her a smile that revealed his fangs as he stood and grabbed her arm. He pulled her head back roughly by the hair as he looked down at her neck.
“No,” she said softly as he sank his teeth into the tender flesh. She whimpered, doing her best to hold back a scream the pain worse then anything Christoph had inflicted. Angelica collapsed weakly in his arms as he drank from her hungrily. Darkness quickly descended about her.
The shadow plain took on an ominous tone as her mind awakened to it. She felt Kilnar feeding on her oblivious to anything else. Very gently she felt his mind, trying her best not to attract his attention. The mind she felt made her sick to her stomach, the lust and sense of superiority he felt over her was revolting. She was a play thing to him, as well as a means of taunting Christoph. Yet even that was over shadowed by his thirst for power. She felt his memories, the heartless carnage he had caused over the years were moments of great satisfaction to him. Especially moments where he had arranged the blood shed to watch at his leisure.
As she searched through his memories, she found memories of his birth as a vampire. She saw how he had as a mortal ingratiated himself with Christoph. How he had convinced Christoph to turn him. Also a memory of betrayal arose, Kilnar meeting with several masked men, other vampires. Plotting to turn the queen against Christoph, they had been feeding her lies for months and now they thought they were ready. Armies were moving across a snowy landscape, marching towards inevitability.
She felt his mind becoming aware of her presence. His shock was amusing but the rage that followed was terrifying. Still she steeled herself and forced a brave front.
“What is this? How dare you pull me into the Sanguis Quies!”
“Stop feeding on me now!” She ordered, attempting to sound as authoritative as possible.
“Oh, I do not think so. I can break you so much easier here.” His amusement and sadistic pleasure enraged her.
“Neither you, nor Christoph, nor anyone else will ever touch me.”
Kilnar just laughed, “I will break you, and enjoy every moment of it.”
“Never!” She screamed, with such vehemence that he was taken aback, but only for a moment. The next she felt him in her memories, carelessly tearing through them until he came to the memories of her childhood. The terror and shame washed over her again as if she were feeling it again for the first time. She felt Him touching her, making her touch him in ways she had not understood then.
“Get out of my head!” She shouted forcing him out of her mind strength she didn’t know she’d possessed. The blood dream seemed to shatter about them. The room slowly came back into focus, but at the same moment she felt something hit her across the face, and the force of the blow threw her across the room. Her shoulder hit the wall first and she felt a painful crunch from the impact.
“I will enjoy destroying you witch!” Screamed Kilnar looming over her, “you are powerless now!”
Behind them suddenly came the sound of splintering wood as the door burst open. Kilnar spun about to see Micale standing in the doorway. “You were told not to do this!” He growled as he grabbed the protesting vampire and dragged him from the room.
Angelica slumped against the wall in shock, blood still dripping from her neck. Weakly she put her hand over the wounds trying to stop the flow, but it just seeped through her fingers. She pulled the hem of her skirt up against the wounds, putting pressure against them. Her jaw ached and hung loosely in her mouth. It felt like it was dislocated as did her numb shoulder. From how she lay, she couldn’t move her arm, and when she tried to push her self up, she could only cry out in pain. Even that little bit of effort made her heart pound in her chest, and her breath come in painful bursts.
After a few moments of painful agony Micale returned, the sound of a carriage rolling out of the court yard came floating from below. Micale looked angry as knelt over her, and put a bottle to her lips. A few drops of Christoph’s tonic trickled into her mouth.
“This is not enough to heal you, but it will keep you alive.” Gently he examined her, wincing when she cried out in pain. He growled softly, and for once he looked concerned for her.
“Your jaw is dislocated; I am going to put it back in place. Be prepared, this is going to hurt.”
Angelica nodded slowly, steeling herself. Still she couldn’t hold back the scream as her jaw was unceremoniously pushed back into place.
“I am sorry child.”
Angelica shook her head slightly, her teeth jarring with the movement. “They are going to betray Christoph.” She whispered
“I believe he knows child, dark times may be ahead.”
Carefully Micale lifted her, and carried her to the bed. By the time he reached it though she had passed out.
The sun was starting to rise when Angelica woke. Micale stood near the window looking out. A cacophony of sound floated in on a smoke laden breeze.
“What is happening?” questioned Angelica, her voice a forced whisper. Micale turned to look at her, an expression of pity on his rough features.
“Kilnar’s army arrived while you slept. They are setting up a trap for the prince on his return.”
“Christoph is coming back?”
“His carriage carries him towards us as we speak.”
Angelica pulled herself from the bed, gritting her teeth with the effort. Micale helped her to the window. Outside flames were dancing among the trees on both sides of the road. Occasionally shadows could be seen flitting across the road, but otherwise the army was invisible. Down the road, a black dot was becoming visible moving at an alarming rate through the trees. The sun had just risen above the horizon, and her dread slowly increased.
“Micale, if Kilnar is victorious, please kill me.” She said softly, and Micale nodded slowly.
“I do pity you now,” He said slowly. The tension was showing on his face.
On the road the dark spec was nearing the fires that intersected the road.
“Prince De’Marcos comes.” Said mickale softly as the carriage rolled to a stop. A black shadow burst forth, and the shadows of men pouring around the carriage began to fall even before they reached it. The screams of pain rose above the crackling flames, clearly the men were on the loosing end.
Dark clouds began welling up on the horizon blocking out the sun as they slowly progressed across the sky. The screams began to fade as darkness crept across the forest in stead of the coming dawn. The shadows still fought, few came to join the fray as one shadow began to streak towards the castle.
The shadow passed between the two gargoyles that flanked the gate, and a shockwave burst out from them, knocking his pursuers to the ground. She could now make out Christoph breathing hard in the courtyard below. His hair was loose, and whipped violently by the wind. His cloths were blood spattered, and blood dripped down his face. He looked feral as his eyes glinted red in the low light. Christoph looked up at the window where Angelica and Mickale stood. A grim expression on his countenance, he motioned towards the window the window.
“Stay here child, now we fight.” He left the room, his footsteps echoing down the hallway harshly.
Figures were gathering outside the gate. Angelica could barely make them out, though she could see there were 5 in number. Angelica trembled, fearing the vampire lords were gathered to destroy Christoph. However out of the castle came Micale bearing a huge sword that gleamed in the low light. Several of the staff including Nina followed him. She could see fear and grim expressions on their faces.
Angelica realized she was holding her breath as Christoph took the sword form Micale. The group outside the gate seemed to be discussing the situation. Angelica noticed there were a couple of women amongst them, and realized that these at least were not the vampire lords she knew.
Christoph began taunting the group at the gate, his voice rising above the roar of the flames. A great howling rose from the servants behind Christoph as their forms began to change into lupine figures. AT the same moment the two gargoyles exploded into a shower of stone and sparks. The figures ran through the gate, meeting Christoph and the wolves.
As the two groups came together, angelica could make out the invaders better. A huge man lead the charge, heavily armored, he wielded a long sword, but hid behind an ornate shield. Two other figures where right behind him, both wore lighter armor, one held a longbow, string taught with arrow knocked. The other was wielding two weapons, which appeared to be two daggers. In the back were two robed figures both concealed by deep cowls.
Christoph met the warrior with such fury that despite great skill, he was clearly hard pressed to even parry Christoph’s blows. Several of the wolves lunged towards the warrior and the smaller figure at his side. But the much larger wolf that had been Micale charged the two robed figures in the back.
The warrior fell first to a mighty blow; Christoph’s sword continued its downward arch felling the smaller figure in the same blow. The figure with the bow seemed to be holding three of the wolves at bay as micale’s charge ended his jaws closing about the throat of one of the robed figures. Yet in that moment the court yard exploded in a brilliant white light. It expanded rapidly and seemed to disintegrate everything in its path. Everyone in the courtyard was enveloped by the blinding light. At the same moment the windows exploded, showering angelica with glass as she tried to shield her face. The force of the shock threw her back words, knocking her unconscious. When she came to, she peered out the window, but could see no one below.
She slumped against the window casing, tears coursing down her face. “No,” she cried softly as her eyes searched the courtyard below for any movement. However she could not see anything, not even the bodies of the fallen.
She didn’t know how long she stood there, as hope faded away. She knew she needed to flee, to get away before any of the vampires returned. Yet she couldn’t get her feet to move, who was she kidding? They’d find her no matter where she went, and the goddess could only know what they might do to her.
As she stood there, she slowly became aware of heavy steps in the hallway. Turning, she saw a heavily armored figure in the door way. He was tall, well built, and wore ornate although damaged armor. It took a moment for her to realize that this was the same warrior who had been felled by Christoph’s blade. The armor was elven plate, delicately etched with knot work. A matching helm rested under one arm, and he held his sword in the other hand. Clear blue eyes stared at her suspiciously from below thick brows, and long golden hair hung about his shoulders.
The helm fell to the floor with a loud clang, as he leveled the sword at her slowly entering the room. “In here!” he cried his voice deep and gravely. “Not brave enough to defend your master wolf?” he sneered, “think you are going to escape divine retribution hiding up here?”
“She’s not a wolf Michael, those wounds would have healed all ready.” A calm voice said from the door way. A lithe elf clad in grey robes stood there watching them quietly, with the serenity typical of elves.
“What have you done?” She whispered, trembling from the pain.
“We have freed you!” cried the warrior, “you should be grateful.”
“You may have killed us all! cried angelica, her strength giving out. Swiftly the elf moved to her side, and wrapped an arm around her waist.
“Go get Brother Jay please, we need his skill.”
“I am not leaving you alone with her!”
“Go Michael, she is no threat.” The elf commanded, and the warrior left grumbling.
The elf helped Angelica to a chair and with steady fingers began examining her wounds. “These wounds are over a day old, who caused these?” The elf asked cautiously.
“Lord Kilnar,” she responded in barely a whisper, “he wanted to use me against Christoph, and when I resisted him…” her voice trailed as she wiped away her tears.
“Is Christoph the vampire we met below?”
“Yes.”
“What do you know of Prince De’Marcos?”
“Not that much, but he was kind to me.”
“What did you mean, what you said to Michael?”
“You may have started the vampire wars again.”
The elf paused, and looked at her his face grave. “What have you been told of such things?”
“Micale told me that Christoph lead the vampire court, kept them in check, stood between us them. You killed him; the gods only know what the vampires might do now.” She sucked in her breath as the pain in her jaw grew with each word.
The elf frowned, and paused for a long moment, as his fingers pressed along her jaw line, the pain caused her to cry out. “What are you doing amongst these creatures?” he asked a few moments later.
“Christoph brought me here, to feed off I guess.”
“You must be Angelica then, we have been looking for you.” He responded calmly.
“How did you know I was here?”
“Lord Kilnar told us to look for you, he wishes you to be returned to him safely.”
“No!” cried angelica, and then whimpered from the pain. “Please do not take me to him.” Her voice shook with her fear.
“If what you say is correct there is much that must be discussed.”
“He told you she would try to lie about him,” grumbled Michael from the door.
“Be quite Michael, where is Brother Jay?”
“I am here, what do you have Imildriss?” Replied another soft voice as Michael stepped aside. Another elf also dressed in grey robes, and long brown hair came in.
“We have found Angelica, however she has been gravely injured.”
“Let me take a look.” He began to examine her carefully.
“How did this happen child?” asked Imildriss as he stepped back.
“Lord Kilnar came in to my room, and tried to feed on me, when I resisted him he hit me, and threw me against that wall” She replied slowly, crying out as Brother Jay suddenly pushed her shoulder back into place.
“You say Kilnar did this?” questioned Jay looking up at Imildriss with an odd expression.
“Yes, he did.”
Brother Jay said a few soft words, and then gently laid his hand on her shoulder. Involuntarily Angelica cried out as the muscles in her shoulder rapidly mended, then the pain ceased entirely.
“I am sorry child but I must do that one more time.” He chanted again, and touched her face. She clenched the chair with her hands until the pain ceased, then looked back to the 3 standing over her.
“We can not take her to Kilnar. How should we proceed?”
“You believe her?” cried Michael, “Kilnar warned us she would lie about him, besides we will not get paid.”
“This never was about money Michael,” Said Brother Jay firmly.
“Why are we discussing this again?” Came a female voice from the door. A tall girl stood there, wearing worn leathers, a bow was strapped to her back. She had a pretty face, with long brown hair tied back in a sensible braid. “You guys suspected nothing from your dealings with that noble pig?”
“He could not have been a vampire,” cried another female voice as she pushed around the first. She was short, barely 3 feet tall, but she had large dark eyes long red dreadlocks, and a wicked scare that stretched across her nose from eye to eye. “I could hear his heart beat.”
“I did not sense undeath upon him either; however there was strong magic about him.” Added Imildriss, “that may have obscured my senses.”
“We should discuss this later, if she is correct this may be the last place we want to be. We should go back to the cave, and we can discuss it further there.” Said the woman with the bow
“very well, lets move out.” responded Michael.
“I am not going with you!” cried Angelica angrily.
“It is best for your safety if you come with us.” said Imildriss.
“We do not have time to discuss this.” growled Michael as he grabbed angelica, and hefted her over his shoulder. “Lets move out people!”
Angelica screamed at the large man, pounding on his back with futility. Swiftly they left they castle as 2 more wolves appeared, and gave chase snarling at their heals. Angelica thought she recognized Nina’s eyes in one of them, and cried out to her. But the wolf seemed oblivious to her please, apparently only intent on blood. She heard the twang of the bow as arrows were loosed, and she heard the wolves whimper as they fell. She couldn’t take her eyes off the limp form that appeared to return that of a young girl. At that point she stopped trying to resist, as her tears flowed.
- Mood: hungry
Angelica began to change, sure that she would be called at any moment. Yet after she had put on the beautiful surcoat, and a knock didn’t come, she impulsively left the room. She wandered the halls aimlessly, feeling like a ghost. Yet she found that her steps kept leading her to the dinning room, and she forcibly would turn away each time she drew near.
The tumult of her thoughts increased as she walked, and she couldn’t seem to calm the chaos swirling around her brain. Though she realized that Christoph would most likely send some one to find her soon; determined not to be found she turned her steps towards the tower where she had last been with Christoph. The hallways were dark, and she saw no one about as she made her way to her destination.
The sky was clear, and stars shone brightly as she emerged out onto the tower. After closing the door behind her, she leaned against the crenellation staring out at the wintry forest below. Yet the scenic view did nothing to calm her. She felt like she was floating on a sea amidst a hurricane; her mind being tossed about mercilessly in its wake. However the sound of the soft breeze was comforting and the soft glow of the stars helped ground her a bit. It was rather cold out, and her thin body shivered. She thought of throwing herself off the tower, ending her pain and doubt. But would she still find herself in the huntress’ realm if she broke her word? She didn’t know the answer. Her mind recalled the vision, the dream she’d had as she sat freezing in that alley.
Why couldn’t it have been her time? Why were the fates making her stay in this life that tormented her so much? She was of little importance to anyone. She doubted even Christoph’s tender words were real. Now he was back in the castle again, waiting for her.
A tear dripped down her face, and she grunted in frustration at her own weakness. “Pull yourself together!” she said to the wind. “He said he only wanted a companion, he said he wouldn’t force me to do anything.” Angelica sighed, and wiped away the tear as another took its place.
“You are not thinking of breaking your word all ready are you my dear?” A stern voice spoke. Angelica nearly jumped out of her skin as she whirled about. Christoph looked at her seriously, but surprise momentarily rippled across his face as she turned.
“Where did you get that dress?” he said suddenly, and trembling Angelica slunk back away from him, her back pressing up against the wall.
“I found it.” She stammered, “I did not think anyone would mind,” her voice shaking.
Christoph’s face softened a little as he stepped forward, reaching towards her. Angelica winced, and shied away from, her fear shinning in her eyes.
“I am sorry my dear, I did not mean to startle you; though I believe I requested your company for dinner.”
“You did,” she said softly, staring at the ground below her feet.
“Unless I am mistaken this is not the dinning room, may I ask what you are doing up here?”
“Thinking,” She said softly, hanging her head.
Christoph lifted her chin, looking into her eyes. “You are not happy, and you fear me.”
“Yes,” She responded, trying to turn away.
“Still your mind my dear, you have nothing to fear from me.”
“I know nothing about you,” she blurted out. “And I have no reason to trust you.”
He cupped her face in his hands, leaning low over her. “That will come in time my dear. For now, know I will not do anything to hurt you.” His voice was a whisper, his lips barely inches away from hers. His breath was hot against her skin as he spoke. “You are very special Angelica, I knew it the first time I saw you.”
“Special?” Questioned Angelica softly, “I have never been special to anyone, only a burden.”
Christoph smiled slightly, the gap between their lips closing slightly. “Tragedy follows in your wake, trying to snuff out the light within you. It nearly succeeded.”
“What are you talking about?” Confusion covered her face, her body trembling from his touch.
“There is such a light within you,” his lips brushed against her softly, and he continued in a voice so low Angelica could barely hear him. “You may even be able to save me.” He pulled her against him as he kissed her gently. Angelica froze her body tense. She pushed against him as panic rose within her.
“Shh, do no fight me,” He pressed her close to him, messaging her neck with his hand. Despite her fear she felt her body relax. “Good girl,” he whispered into her ear, his lips brushing against her cheek. “I want you, yet I need you to be willing.” His lips brushed lightly against her neck.
Suddenly from below them came the sound of horses as a carriage rolled into the courtyard. Christoph sighed softly, his breath hot on her neck. “My guests are here, dinner is being set.” He looked down at her as he stroked her cheek. “Would you do me the honor of joining me?”
Angelica nodded slowly, feeling as if she were waking up from a dream. She looked up at him as confusion, warred with her receding terror, and the odd calm that was flooding over her.
“Come my dear, we must meet our guests.”
He offered Angelica his arm, and led her back into the castle as if nothing had happened. Angelica’s mind was calm now, her thoughts skipped over the last few minutes as if they had simply been a dream.
Soon she found herself standing at Christoph’s side in the foyer. Micale and several other servants stood at attention by the doors. Other servants were bustling about. It seemed odd to see the castle so alive.
As if on command the doors were opened to allow entrance to several imposing figures. All of them paused at the doorway, and bowed low before the prince.
“Welcome to my home once again,” announced Christoph in a stern yet friendly voice. As they knelt, Angelica looked them over. There were five in total, and from Nina’s descriptions recognized four of them to be the north lords she had spoken of. They were all tall men, fair haired with thick beards. They also wore heavy furs, elegant yet warm and functional. The fifth man looked rather different. His hair was raven black, and hung down his back. His blue eyes were piercing, and locked onto Angelica even while his head was bowed. His trousers and tunic were both a deep forest green, edged in gold.
“If you come with me, Dinner is being served.” Christoph turned, and led Angelica to the dinning room. The trip was quiet except for the sound of foot steps on stone.
Once they entered the warmly light room, Christoph seated Angelica to his right before taking his own seat at the head. The others filed in, followed by Desanna who took her place on Christophs left. Plates of exquisite food were placed before them along with plenty of wine.
“How was your trip Olaf?” Christoph addressed the oldest of the north lords.
“Uneventful, the queen has been successful at ensuring safe travel.” Replied the man Christoph had addressed. “I for one am more interested in the hunt you have promised, I do expect you to keep your word.”
“You wound me Olaf; you of all people know I do not break my word. Tomorrow there will plenty of enjoyment.”
“I do hope your lands will offer up a better hunt then the laughable hunt Kilnar held last year,” interjected another of the north men, as the raven haired man grunted in irritation.
“I did not expect the queen to request to be present.” The raven haired man replied gruffly, and then turned his eyes back to Angelica. “I am more curious as to whom this lovely young woman is that you have my prince.”
A threatening look passed between Christoph and the raven haired man. “This is Angelica McGregor she is the newest member of my house.” He turned to Angelica as he continued to speak, “Angelica, before you sit the four lords of Quell, Lord Olaf Svendon, and his three sons Fredric, Aelfric, and Elmeric. Finally,” Christoph motioned towards the raven haired man. “That is Lord Anton Kilner.”
“It is indeed a pleasure to meet such a beautiful young woman,” smiled Anton, which turned her stomach. The others just inclined their heads at the introduction. Angelica unsure of how to respond nodded in kind, even to Anton.
“Now that introductions are out of the way,” Growled Fredric, “Perhaps you can tell me why Queen Rose has sent troops north.”
“You know the Queen does not confide such information to me.” Responded Christoph calmly, and Olaf glared at the younger man. “However I hear rumors of ill treatment of her diplomats by our illustrious neighbor over the mountains. I suspect that Anton would know more about that.”
Angelica quietly listened while she ate. Their conversation quickly turned to stories of previous hunts, which held her attention for a while. However as she finished her plate, she also began to loose interest; although she did notice Desanna paying close attention to everything being said. Every time Anton looked in her direction, she felt a shiver go down her spine. Several times he appeared about to address her, but a look from Christoph stopped him.
Angelica found herself growing tired as the conversation continued on long after the plates were cleared. Yet she was unsure if the Prince would allow her to leave. She stifled several yawns, and gave Desanna a pleading looks.
Finally after what seemed like hours, Christoph turned to Desanna, who was also starting to look tired as well. “Desanna, my dear, would you be so kind as to show my guests to the library?”
“Yes my Prince, My Lords, please come with me.” They nosily got up, and followed her from the room. Angelica heard them talking amongst themselves as their voices faded away.
“My dear, you handled yourself very well. I hope it was not too tedious.”
She shrugged slightly, not quite sure what to think of it all.
“Let me take you back to your room, I still wish to talk with you.”
Christoph stood, and offered her his arm. As they walked Angelica wondered what had really happened that evening. However she was too tired to really think about it. She couldn’t tell what Christoph was thinking, as his face was completely impassive. As they reached her room, he opened the door and followed her in. She watched him take a seat in the chair near the bed. Angelica curled up on the window seat, partly watching Christoph, and partly looking out into the night.
“Do you feel up to talking for a while my dear?”
“I am rather tired, but I do not think I could sleep.”
“Very well,” He looked at her for a moment, “I must ask that you return that dress, as it is very old and requires special care.
Angelica nodded slightly, and slipped behind the screen. The prince took the dress as she passed it over the screen, then put on her nightgown; and then took her seat back at the window.
“What did you mean when we were speaking on the tower?”
“You mean about how special you are?”
“I guess,” she paused trying to figure what she really meant. Christoph was silent for a long moment. “What would you need to be saved from?” She continued, staring into the darkness on the other side on the other side of the glass.
The silence was broken by a bitter chuckle from the prince. “I have fallen into darkness; you may be able to guide me back to the light.” Angelica heard him rise from the chair. Angelica turned from the window to look at him with concern on her face.
“What do you mean?”
Christoph stood over her for a long moment before answering her. “You have been given a gift, one that draws evil to it like a moth to a flame. The darkness that haunts you is what brought you here. Yet your gift may be able to dispel that darkness.”
“What gift are you talking about? There is nothing special about me.”
“I doubt you would know of it. A light burns within you, yet this gift slumbers still waiting to awaken.” He gently stroked her cheek, and pulled her up towards him. Time seemed to slow, and Angelica felt as if the world around her was coming to a halt. Christoph was looking directly into her eyes; his gaze seemed to see straight to her soul.
“What are you doing?” She whispered softly, her fear returning full force. She tried to push him away, but he held her fast.
“Be still my dear, you wanted to know me, so let me show you.” He leaned over her, his lips brushing against her neck. “Close your eyes, and relax.” He whispered, gently messaging her neck. Her muscles relaxed as he held her close. His breath was hot on her neck as she felt his tongue brush over her skin.
“I only hope my darkness does not quench the light,” He breathed softly. Angelica cried out as she felt his fangs break the delicate skin of her neck. Her blood dripped down her neck as he lapped the first few drops. She heard a groan of pleasure as he began to drink, and suddenly a wave of pleasure wash over her. Electricity seemed to race across every nerve as he fed. She lay limply in his arms, and he held her tight against himself. Darkness swam in the edges of her vision. Her heart seemed to slow, and her breath came in great heaves as darkness closed in around her.
Even in this unconsciousness she dreamed. She found herself standing in a cold dark plane, shadow hung thick about her. A dark mist curled about her legs in moist ephemeral tendrils. The plane seemed to stretch on forever around her, and the uneven ground shifted under her feet. In the distance she saw a shadowy figure kneeling with head bowed. An undefined glow hung somewhere in the distance, yet she was unable to identify its source. The figure was motionless as mist swirled about it. At one moment she thought she saw a man through the mist and the next a monster in that motionless figure; the two images intertwined in one form.
Angelica could still feel Christoph drinking from her; every nerve was on fire from his touch. Yet she realized she was also feeling his passion as he fed. His lust for her blood, and also…was that his mind? The shadowy figure radiated intense self control, and a powerful sense of self. She also felt two powerful and distinct sides of his mind. A proud and just man locked in eternal struggle with a beast of horrific nature. Now, however, she felt the beast chained; restrained within his mind. Surprise rippled through his consciousness as he became aware of her mind. The figure rose, and turned towards her. His features shrouded in shadow as he moved effortlessly towards her.
“What is this?” the thoughts bubbling up in her mind, as she watched him warily.
“Sanguis Quies, where two become one during feeding. Yet never have I seen a mortal enter it.”
“I feel your thoughts, sense your mind.”
“Yes, this is the closest of meetings between beings.” She felt him moving amidst her memories. Memories rose and fell in her thoughts like the turning of pages in a book. With each, emotions came as if she were experiencing them again for the first time. The terror of her parents’ deaths and the shame of Him as strong and fresh as had been that day.
“No!” her mind cried, “Do not make me remember!” She sank to her knees trying to block the memories.
Christoph knelt over her, and she felt comfort, and calm radiate over her. “My dear, such a burden you carry what pain to endure alone.” Angelica looked up at him, even in the shadow she could see a mirror of her own pain written over his face. He cupped her face in his hands. “Yet there is still a beautiful innocent girl under that pain.” She felt her emotions reverberating in his mind, and memories of his own coming to the surface. There were dark memories of death, lust, hunger and chaos, moments when the beast had gained control; and the pain it had feasted on.
She saw the woman from the painting, vibrant with life. There was Love so powerful that it was almost painful to witness, and equally powerful grief as life was stolen from her. Rage washed over him as he knelt over her lifeless body, and an oath of revenge against the creature that had stolen her from him. His fall, from the man of justice he had once been, to the creature he had now become as he fulfilled that oath. She felt the pain and rage of his turning, and his fight to remain in control as the beast within raged against him.
Years of memories flood over her, each with a wash of emotion that overwhelmed her. So quickly they came, images of people, other vampires, acts of depravity; one after another. She found herself lost in his memories, as her own crowded in intermixing so that she couldn’t tell where her own ended and his began.
“I do not understand.” She felt his mind embracing hers gently, lovingly as the memories faded away.
“You brought us to the Sanguis Quies, I do not know how, yet you did.” He knelt over her, and kissed her so tenderly she melted at his touch. “Few ever really know the true power of it; it can be used for horrors beyond your wildest fears, or can truly bring two minds together in a powerful union.”
Angelica felt an overwhelming desire from him, exciting something in herself she couldn’t deny. He kissed her again, his love washing over her as he held her close. He was inside her, as a burning ecstasy engulfed her. He continued moving through her memories with such tenderness as his washed over her again.
Angelica woke with a gasp to sun light flowing through her window. She was completely alone in her mind again. She could feel none of the closeness of last night. She had never felt so weak and thirsty as she did now. She turned, and to her surprise saw Christoph lying next to her. He appeared to be in a deep slumber. Her blood still stained his lips, and the sheets were speckled as well.
Slowly she sat up, her heart pounding in her chest. The movement woke Christoph, and he looked at her with a soft smile. “You are truly amazing my dear.” He sat up beside her, looking into her eyes. “I should never have brought you here; you should be treasured by a good man, not a monster.” He caressed her cheek as he spoke, “yet now I do not think I could give you up.”
“The sun, I thought…” He put a finger over her lips.
“I can, when I have fed, watch the sun rise; age has given me many gifts.”
He kissed her gently, her body tensing involuntarily. “You still fear me?”
Angelica’s eyes dropped as she considered her answer. “I have never trusted men, I can not help it.”
Christoph nodded slightly, his eyes expressionless. His hand caressed her cheek slowly. “I hope one day you come to trust me.”
He gave her one last kiss, and then got up. Retrieving a bottle from his coat pocket, he sat back down beside her. “Drink this; it will restore your strength quickly.” Angelica took the bottle, and took a large swig. “Good girl, now how do you feel?”
“Better,” She said softly “But why did you not tell me about all of this from the beginning?”
“I did not think you would agree to stay if you knew.” He replied softly, “Once you agreed, what you thought of me would not matter.”
“You have been playing with my emotions ever since you found me.” She said softly, the sting of her loneliness growing.
“I have tried to manipulate you, yet now my love for you is real whether or not you believe me. It has been such a long time since I have felt anything, you have seen everything, and you know how I feel.”
“How do I know that was even real?”
“Your heart will tell you the truth.”
She nodded slowly knowing that she didn’t really think he was trying to trick her now. He wrapped an arm around her, and held her close.
“I could make you feel things you have never dreamed of, if you would let me.” He whispered into her ear.
“No…I” Her voice faded away.
“It is ok; I will do nothing you do not wish.”
A knock sounded at the door suddenly. “I have brought your breakfast!” Nina said cheerfully as she came into the room. Her eyes went wide as she saw Christoph sitting next to her, and the tray threatened to drop from her hands. In the blink of an eye, Christoph had taken it from her.
“Careful little one, Angelica needs this more then the floor.”
“Your Highness!” cried the horrified girl “I did not know you were here!” She looked between Angelica and Christoph with consternation.
“You have done nothing wrong Nina,” replied the prince calmly. “You could not have known I was here. However tell no one you have seen me.”
“Yes your highness,” she stammered as she backed from the room.
Christoph placed the tray before Angelica, “I have much work that needs to be done, my dear, and I imagine you will need rest. Will you be all right on your for the day?” Angelica nodded slowly, the food tasting like ash in her mouth as she watched him. “Very good, my dear, and I do hope you will be joining me for dinner again this evening.” Again Angelica nodded, and Christoph left the room.
She finished the food, and methodically started to clean herself up. When she looked in the mirror, the face looking back at her was deathly pale. Her black hair hung limply around her face, and only served to create a stark contrast. She dressed in a simple surcoat, and then sat at the window seat in the sitting room unsure of what to do next.
She was surprised at how calm her mind was, her doubt had faded away leaving only curiosity in its place. Even though she wasn’t sure she loved him, she knew she was willing to find out. Yet she wondered how does one love such an evil creature?
She thought about the images she had seen in his mind, so many she couldn’t even comprehend them all. Most of what she had seen was a blur of images and emotions out of context with no real meaning to her. Yet she had seen a slow process of change in his memories since his turning. How the man who had been a shinning example of goodness and justice had had become the monster he was now. He had forgotten mercy in his pursuit of justice, and she could not fathom the cruel tactics he had used to achieve it. However, everything he did was for the good of his lands, and the people who lived in them, and so while they feared his wrath they also loved him.
She had also seen the thin line he walked between the other vampires clamoring for the power of the Kirindal, and the mortals of Kirindal who held that power. He kept the other vampires in check with an iron fist as if by doing so he could earn redemption for his fall. But she also thought he feared what might happen if the vampires did attempt to vie for control. Memories of the war between Kirindal and the vampires were prevalent in his thoughts; though few of the Vampire Lords could remember it. It was the destruction that had been caused that were the most powerful images and he seemed to fear that a second such altercation could cause mutual annihilation. Now while the other vampire lords hated him for the power he held over them, they also seemed to fear and respect him for that power. Yet she felt he had kept from her knowledge of that power, and she wondered why.
As she sat there trying to sort through everything, sleep overtook her. Her dream was dark; it was not the same dream that had haunted her. She found herself walking with Christoph in a moonlit wood. He was at peace, merely content to be at her side. They were walking in silence enjoying the beauty of the night. Slowly the sky began to darken as clouds rolled in blocking out the moon. The darkness and shadows grew around them until Angelica could not see Christoph. For awhile she could feel his presence near her, however with each step she felt it fading. She called out for him, reaching out to find nothing. In a panic she began searching for him, calling out his name. Suddenly fire burst up quickly growing into a wall of flame. In the new light she could see Christoph cut off from her by the flame. He cowered away from it as it tried to consume him. She heard him calling to her until she sat up awake.
Christoph was standing over her shaking her. Concern was written on his face. “Angelica, it is just a dream.”
Relief flooded over her, and she reached up wrapping her arms around him impulsively. She clung to him until her heart began to slow. Christoph held her close, stroking her hair slowly.
“Are you all right my dear?” He asked softly.
“I think so,” She paused and looked up at him. “I think something bad is going to happen.”
“Why do you think that?”
“My dream…” Her voice trailed off.
“What did you see?” his voice serious.
Angelica related her dream to him slowly, trying her best to remain calm. Christoph watched her as she spoke.
“I will not let anything happen to you my dear, I promise you.” He said solemnly after a long moment.
“How did you know…” her voice trailed off again, unsure how to put her question.
“I felt you calling me, now that I have tasted your blood there is a bond between you and I.”
“Oh, I see.”
Christoph hugged her, and then stood up. “Will you be all right?”
“Yes, I think so.”
Christoph kissed her gently, and for the first time Angelica kissed him back. Christoph smiled, and left the room. Angelica spent the rest of the day reading quietly. She didn’t’ see anyone else, except for Nina when she brought in Angelica’s lunch. The quiet felt good, and by the time dinner time came she felt a lot better.
Dinner was again a laborious event. Desanna did not make an appearance though and Angelica wondered at her absence. As the night before, Kilnar would not take his eyes off her. Her skin was crawling during most of the meal. However this time as the meal was concluded Christoph turned to Angelica, and spoke softly.
“Tonight we hunt my dear; we will be away for the evening.”
Angelica nodded slowly as the others stood. The 4 north men left first. Christoph followed them, but Kilnar paused by Angelica’s chair; an eerie smile on his face.
“You are a beautiful girl, to beautiful to waste on an old man like the prince.” Kilnar chuckled softly before continuing. “I could come to your room tonight, show you what the Prince can never do.” He said in a low voice, as he ran one finger through her hair.
“Anton! We are waiting!” came a commanding voice from the hall.
“Think about it.” He added before leaving. Angelica shivered from his touch, the glass of wine shaking in her hand. Shortly after several servants cam in, including Nina, to clean up the dinning room. Angelica watched her for a moment before speaking.
“Nina, when you have finished would you mind coming up to my room?”
The girl gave Angelica a cheerful grin. “Of course, I have missed talking with you.”
Angelica left the room, her steps aimlessly heading towards her room. The hall was dark, and her steps echoed noisily. As she neared foyer, she heard voices coming from a nearby room.
“Where did you find her?” Angelica recognized Kilnar’s voice.
“That is none of your concern.” came an irritated response which sounded like Christoph.
“I want her, let me have her.”
“She is mine, Anton that is all you need to know.”
“Why can I not taste her at least, she can still be your prize.”
“She is under my protection, touch her and I will kill you where you stand.” As Christoph spoke, the four North men passed by Angelica, and went into the room.
“Are you ready?” questioned one of them.
“Let us hunt!” cried Anton, and Angelica heard them leave. She wondered what they were going to hunt, but then decided she didn’t want to know. She continued on to her room, and sat down at the window. The night outside was still and the moon was full. She could not see anything of the hunters, which made her feel even more alone with her thoughts.
What if she could save him some how, what would that mean? Would he become mortal again? Or would that allow him to pass on in peace? She knew she cared, and she knew part of her wanted him. Though she still wasn’t sure why. As she sat there thinking, her eyelids slowly fluttered closed, and she slept.
Something moving near by woke her from a very deep slumber. Bleary eyed, she looked up to see christoph standing over her. He was stroking her hair gently.
“You are back?”
“Yes my dear, it is nearly sun rise.” He said softly, “your beauty rivals the moon, my dear.”
She smiled lightly at his compliment, feeling the butterflies in her stomach again. He pulled her against him, her head resting against his chest.
“How is it that you fear me as a man, yet not as a vampire?” He asked softly, his lips brushing against her ear.
“What is the worst you could do? Kill me?”
“There are many things much worse then death, and such things are the language of vampires.”
“Yet you have promised to never hurt me.”
“A promise I fully intend to keep. Yet you have seen the beast, and have an idea of what may happen should I loose control.”
Angelica paused, remembering the images of indescribable acts he had committed. “There is so much rage in those memories, yet how am I supposed to feel? I can not think clearly when you are around, and when you are not my thoughts are confused, in turmoil.”
Christoph kissed her forehead softly, “I think your heart knows true, even if your head is lost.” He sat down, and pulled her into his lap his fingers caressing her neck longingly. He held her head against his shoulder, as lips brushed against her neck and she realized she was holding her breath.
“You want this?” He questioned a smile in his voice. However his hand held her head immobile, forcing her to answer.
“Yes,” she replied in a whisper, the addmition scared her.
“You tremble in my arms; your entire body is ready for my bite.” His tongue brushed across her skin, making her whole body quiver. Christoph chuckled softly, “are you sure you do not want me?”
The room around them seemed to be pressing in on Angelica. Every nerve tingled from his touch. Her chest was heaving, and she closed her eyes, waiting.
“I can feel you wanting me,” he whispered softly, his free hand stroking her face. “Stop resisting, let me show you what love really is.” He paused as he looked down at her gently wiping a tear. “Such loneliness you cling to, let me take away that loneliness. Let me prove to you how beautiful you truly are.” He tilted her face towards him, gently kissing her.”
“I can not,” she gasped. “Please do not make me.”
“I will not my love,” He whispered, as he wiped away another tear. He tenderly kissed her, his tongue briefly running across her lip. Then he turned her face away as his teeth sank into her neck. The pain still made her cry out, which ended in an anguished sob as ecstasy exploded over her.
As she awoke in the Sanguis Quies, the shadows were thick about her. Very little was visible as she tried to get her bearings. Yet she did notice that the faint source of light was brighter, and she could almost pin point its source in the air off to her left. She could feel Christoph behind her; a passionate love washed over her. She felt him waking memories inside her, pulling her into memories she would rather he’d left sleeping.
“I want you; I want you to submit to me completely. Trust me; let me in to that place you have protected so jealously.” His words rippled through her mind, as she felt him searching her psyche.
“I do not want to be alone again, yet I am so afraid.” Her fear was leaving her uneasy as she felt his mind reaching out to her inner most feelings. Her mental defenses seemed to melt as his mind drew closer to his goal, and panic rose in her. She was terrified of being so intimate with him, and yet wanted it so badly. The closeness she felt now was almost suffocating, and again she felt the overwhelming urge to give in, let him do what he wanted; to let him in and take the risk of being hurt.
“The more unsettled your mind is, the more I want to comfort you. I want to protect you, know that you feel safe.”
Yet as his mind was at the very brink of her inner most thoughts and feelings, the shadow plain was plunged into darkness. The faint light of dawn was filtering in the window; she still lay in christoph’s arms; before them stood Micale, a brooding expression on his face. Blood was running down her dress at an alarming rate as she felt Christoph stop drinking. Ever so gently he kissed her neck, closing the puncture wound, before he acknowledged Micale.
“You had better have a good reason for interrupting Micale!” Christoph said, anger bristling in his voice.
Micale actually seemed to cringe at from the prince before he answered. “You have received a summons to appear before the queen My Prince. She demands your presence immediately upon receiving the summons. Your carriage is waiting my prince.”
“Very well, I will be down shortly, now leave.”
Micale beat a hasty retreat from the room, leaving the two alone again. Angelica looked up at him, her head resting against his chest as she listened to his heart beat; her own blood pumping in his veins. “You must leave again?”
Christoph nodded slowly as he handed her the small glass vial, and she drank deeply from it. Christoph smiled as he watched her, “however I will leave you with a small token.” As he put the bottle away, he pulled out a small glittering stone. “Should you wish to speak with me, hold this and think of me; I will hear your call.”
“Thank you,” She said softly as he held her close.
“When I return, I will ensure that any desire you have will be met. I really do wish you to be happy my love.”
Angelica looked up at him with a slight smile on her face, and he leaned down and kissed her gently. She could taste her blood on his lips, and the metallic taste made her shiver. “Farewell my love.” He gently set her down on the seat beside him, and left the room.
- Mood: frustrated
The sun rose the next morning to find Angelica sitting in the window seat looking out across the forest below. She felt so much better, and she felt almost as strong as ever. The glorious sun rise she had been watching had brought a smile to her face. But now as colors were fading away, she noticed how hungry she was, and wondered what she should do to get some breakfast. Yet as the thought entered her mind, a gentle knock came at the door.
“Come in?” She called out, and Nina poked her head in the door.
“I brought you some breakfast My Lady,” she said with a cheerful smile as she came in; the smell of eggs and bacon floating after her as she set the tray down beside Angelica. “How are you this morning My Lady?”
“I feel well Nina, thank you” Angelica gave her a small smile, the girls cheerfulness was infectious. “You can call me Angelica, your starting to make me nervous with this My Lady stuff.”
Nina giggled, “all right, Angelica it is. I like your name it’s so wonderful.”
“Thank you; I have a question for you Nina.”
“Ok!” The girl seemed too excited to Angelica.
“How long have you worked for the Christoph?”
“I have been in the service of, His Highness, Prince De’Marcos for almost a year now.”
“How well do you know him?”
“Not very well, His Highness, Prince D’Marcos prefers the servants he knows to wait on him.” She paused for a moment, “and I think my services were only needed because they knew you were coming.”
“They?”
“Desanna, and the house keeper.”
“Do you like it here?”
“The house keeper, Ms. Danna, is nice enough. I enjoy helping out, it can be quite fun. Especially when, His Highness, Prince D’Marcos is away, it’s fun to wander the halls and see all the beautiful things the prince has. Please do not tell his highness, but some times I will read the books in the library. There’s so many interesting books to read I just can not help myself!”
Angelica smiled, the food as always was excellent. “so you do not mind being here?”
“Oh no, I do not mind, in fact it is considered an honor to service His Highness. My family has been serving his family for generations, and we have been generously rewarded for the service we have provided.
“Oh…” Angelica had never thought of it that way, that there could be honor in it. “But you have never seen the prince do anything…” she paused, not quite sure how to put her thoughts.
“You mean, act like some of those awful nobles in Kirindal City? They are so horrible to their servants, I do not know how they have any who would willingly stay.”
“Yes I guess that is what I mean.” Replied Angelica pensively.
“Oh no, he has always been wonderful to us. But most of the servants do not want to talk about him. Once I overheard Ms. Danna talking to Desanna, and she said ‘his father was the worst of the lot, it shouldn’t surprise me that the peasants are grateful to for a benevolent prince.’ But I suppose I do not really know that she was talking about”
Angelica nodded thoughtfully as Nina spoke, “What do you do for the prince.”
“well now I am to serve you, but before Ms. Danna had me help around as she needed. I am glad I will not have to scrub the toilets anymore!” She giggle, and Angelica shivered at that thought.
“What are you suppose to do for me?”
“Anything you need, I am completely at your disposal.”
Angelica fell into silence not sure what else to ask, nor quite sure how to feel about this girl. She seemed too cheerful but some how that was refreshing.
“Oh! I forgot. His Highness gave me this to give to you.”
Nina pulled an envelope from a pocket in her apron and handed it to Angelica. Slowly Angelica opened it, and slid a neatly folded letter from within. Once she had unfolded it she began to read.
My Dear Angelica,
I regret to inform you, my dear, that I have been called away from your side. My duties to, Her Majesty, Queen Rose have required my intervention in a dispute between Lord August Ceryn, and Lord John Ternem. This dispute has been a long standing feud between these families, and is once again threatening to erupt into violence. As these families own a large portions of the Kingdom’s farmlands, our Queen has requested my immediate attention to this matter. I have brought Desanna with me, as I will need her aid in this matter. However Micale does remain if you should need anything the servants can not provide. I can only give you my sincerest apologizes at my absence.
I leave the castle in your capable hands; however do not worry over much, the servants have their own orders from me. Please make use of the library while I am away, all of my resources are at your disposal. As always, make use of Nina, she has been instructed to help you in any way necessary.
I am expecting to be away for nearly four weeks; as such I have requested Micale to begin your instruction in martial arts in 2 weeks time. I wish you to be in good health, and I pray that you will find a bit of happiness within my home. For a man worn by care of the Kingdom, your presence has given me great happiness. I pray that when I return I may adequately show my gratitude. However for now I wish to present you with a small token of that gratitude. I pray that this letter finds you in good health and good spirits my dear.
Eternally Yours,
Prince Christoph De’Marcos
Angelica looked into the envelope again, and found a delicate chain of silver resting at the bottom. As she pulled it out she saw a pendent, also of silver, a small bow covered in knot work, and runic symbols over top the bow lay two crossed arrows forming an x over the bow. At the center of the x lay small but sparkling ruby. This was the most beautiful example of the Huntress’ symbol Angelica had ever seen.
“That is beautiful,” Breathed Nina as she watched Angelica look over the small pendent. “Did His Highness give you that?”
Angelica nodded distractedly, and then looked at Nina. “I guess we have the castle to ourselves for a while then.” She said softly, “I do not know what to do.”
The words of the letter kept rolling through her mind, and she wondered what he really meant. She found she was disappointed that he wasn’t at the castle anymore, and 4 weeks seemed such a long time to wait.
She looked at Nina quizzically, “What am I to do for four weeks?”
The girl grinned back at Angelica, “I can think of a few things.”
“oh?”
“Well, we could always explore the castle. There are plenty of books to read. We might even be able to convince Micale to saddle a couple of horses for us.”
“I would like to see more of the castle, Christoph gave me a bit of a tour but I still do not think I could find my way.”
“The castle is big, but once you have an idea of the layout it’s not so hard. I got the hang of it once I realized the castle was basically a big square with wings extending east and west off the north and south ends. In the center there are beautiful gardens, but for the now they do not look like much. The wings off the north and south sides are not used much anymore, in fact the whole north side is the original building. I have been told it is not safe to go into. Right now we are in the east wing off the south side; the servant’s quarters are in the west ring off the south side. For the most part all the rooms that are used on a daily basis are in the south side. However, there are suits in the east and west sides that are opened up for guests when they come.”
Angelica nodded slowly as she listened, slowly getting a mental image of the shape of the castle. “The appearance of the castle must have changed a lot over time then.”
“I guess so; I do not know what it looked like back then.”
Angelica put on the necklace as Nina spoke, her mind wandering elsewhere. She still couldn’t quite comprehend what had happened over the past few days. She felt like she was floating along and had no real control over where she went.
After a moment she looked up at Nina, “before you found me yesterday, there was a room I saw. One with a painting that looked exactly like Christoph, do you know it?”
“No, yesterday was the first time I have gone there.”
“Oh,” Angelica paused as she glanced out the window for a moment, then pulled her attention back to Nina as she started to speak.
“lets go exploring, I can show you my favorite hide away.”
“Ok.”
The two girls left the room, Nina scampering on ahead as Angelica tried to keep up. She recognized some of the rooms they passed through from Christoph’s tour the previous evening. However the age of the building still impressed it’s self on her. The unused rooms had accumulated so much dust, and yet just as much mystery clung to them as well.
However, this time, Nina methodically walked her through all the rooms on the south side of the building. Nina showed her how to get from her room to the main halls, impressing on her various features they passed to mark her way.
They passed through the kitchen, and Nina began making introductions to the other servants. However Angelica thought she would never remember them all, let alone keep them straight. Many of the older women frowned deeply at Nina’s familiarity with Angelica, but they didn’t say anything. The servants quarters where much more alive, and bustling then anything else Angelica had seen.
They passed into the east side of the building, and Angelica noticed that the style of the stone work seemed to change. She was guessing that they were passing into an older portion of the building, however not nearly as old as the North side. The rooms here were clean, but sheets were draped over the furniture, and the windows were closed up. As they walked through these rooms, Nina started telling her little stories of people who had visited over the past year. She gave her impressions of some of the nobles who she had seen, and little tid bits of gossip that other servants had shared. Angelica listened quietly, but most of what Nina said meant little to her. Before now she had never even met any of the nobles, let alone thought about what they might be like.
Finally as they were nearing the North side of the building Nina turned a tiny hall hidden behind an aging tapestry. There were doors along the hall, but at the end it opened up in to small sitting room. The stonework here looked as old as the stone work in the north side; yet didn’t seem to be in as poor condition. The however it was clear that some one had recently cleaned the room, as there was very little dust to indicate disuse. A small book case with aging books leaned against one wall, a small table with a single chair stood in the middle of the room, and a fireplace stood against another wall. A large window looked out over the gardens in the center of castle. A small stream flowed towards the window, and pooled in a tiny lake just below the glass. The edges of it were frozen and covered in snow. The room was simple, and inviting.
Nina sat down in the chair, and Angelica sat down at the window seat. “I have always loved this room; I think the lady that used this room must be happy that it is getting used again. I always feel better when I come here.” Nina Said softly. Then a comfortable silence fell between the two girls.
Angelica stared out at the frozen gardens on the other side of the panes of glass. The state of the garden out side reflecting how she had felt for so long, yet now she felt like the warmth of spring was starting to come. She had only been here for 3 days, but she had at least a small glimmer of hope to hang onto now. For this she was grateful to Christoph, but she wondered if that was why she had butterflies in her stomach when she thought about him. Still she didn’t think there was any reason why she should care about him, and while she was curious about love, the idea terrified her immensely.
Time seemed to pass by so slowly for Angelica. Each day she was accompanied by Nina as they tried to amuse themselves. She found Nina to be irrepressibly cheerful, nothing seemed to dim her spirits. They spent their days reading together, and discussing what they had read. They found the both had similar interests and enjoyed discussing things together.
Neither of them had a good understanding of Kirindal law, so they spent nearly a week pouring over several books on law and discussing what they read. They also spent quite a while discussing politics together, though neither of them really understood much about the subject. However Nina was able to tell Angelica a little bit about most of the noble families, and helped her become familiar with major courtly figures. Including the nobles that often visited the castle, of which she described 5 that visited on a regular basis.
The foremost of these were the North lords, as Nina called them. They held the lands in the northern reaches of Kirindal, mostly considered barbarians by their more civilized southern kin. They were known also as the Lords of Quell, the name of the northern lands. These North Lords were family, father and his three sons, who held the lands. Though they all had their own halls, they often came and staid for long periods of time with Christoph. Nina related how the previous summer they had come for a long hunt, as Christoph’s land was teaming with game.
The fifth lord was a noble from the court in Kirindal city. While Nina didn’t know much about this Lord Anton Kilner, she did express great distaste for him. She described him as one of the horrid nobles that like to mistreat everyone below them in station. Her words gave Angelica a shiver, as she hoped she would never meet this individual.
There were of course a myriad of other nobles that had visited, including the Queen herself. However most of them had only been present once or twice over the years that Christoph had held the castle, and Nina’s knowledge of them was rather limited. Usually she would just stay out of their way, and performed the jobs that Ms. Danna, the house keeper, assigned to her.
Even with the time spent with Nina, Angelica still found that she was lonely. Nina had other duties that she would occasionally be called away to complete. Leaving Angelica alone with her thoughts at these times, and even though she was used to being alone. It now stung deeply when she did have moments to her self. Often times she would sit for hours staring out the window in her room, looking at the valley stretching out away from the castle. At times she could see smoke rising from the village below, although it was otherwise hidden from view. Deer and other wildlife would wander from the safety of the trees, and Angelica loved to watch them in their brief forays.
Her curiosity over the room she had found was growing as well, and she spent a great deal of time wandering through the castle trying to find it. It seemed like every time she went wandering, she found something new. At first she tried to avoid the older wings, but finally decided that the area couldn’t be as unsafe as Nina seemed to think. However she always felt that she couldn’t tell Nina about her Forays into the northern side, thus found it hard to spend much time there.
After two weeks of lounging in the library with Nina, Micale showed himself for the first time. He was a large rough looking man, with long scraggly hair and beard, both dark brown and starting to grey. His clothes were well worn but simple and practical like Nina’s. As he came into the library, Nina jumped from her seat and stared at the floor.
“I am ready to start your combat training Angelica.” He said roughly, as he glared at Nina. “Go get something sensible on, and meet me in the court yard. Nina get out of here, remember your place!” Nina obediently scampered out of the room, looking like a puppy with its tail between its legs.
Angelica stood up slowly, irritated. “I assume you are Micale?”
“Yes”
“Never speak to her that way again, she deserves a degree of civility.”
“As you wish, now go get changed.”
Angelica left, and changed into a simple pair of trousers and a soft loose shirt. Upon reaching the court yard, she found Micale testing a rattan sword against a practice dummy. With few words he began to teach her to fight. They mainly focused on footwork, and parrying. Yet after several hours, she felt she was getting the hang of it.
After that, she would spend several hours a day with Micale sparring. He drove her hard, and didn’t spare her any blows if she failed to block or parry. Yet she did pick up the basics surprisingly quickly. She still spent the rest of her days with Nina, reading or talking.
At night she found that her dreams no longer held terror for her. When she walked the halls of her ancestral home, she found them to be as she remembered during the happy years she had spent as an innocent little girl. No longer haunted by the vengeful spirit of her tormentor, in fact began to look forward to her nightly journeys there.
One morning, as she was sitting at the window in her room, Nina came scampering in, and handed her a letter.
“A messenger came this morning, he brought this for you.”
“Thank you.”
“I have to go back down to the kitchen, cook needs my help today. His highness is coming back tonight, and he has guests. But I will come back with your lunch.”
“Ok” Nina scampered from room, and Angelica looked at the letter. She felt nervous about opening it, and felt butterflies in her stomach again as she looked at the Prince’s handwriting on the envelope. Slowly she opened the envelope, and unfolded the letter.
My Dear Angelica,
As you are reading these words, I am making my way back to you. My business being completed in short order, and I met with pleasant success. However this success has been tempered by the distance between you and I. I pray that your good health has returned, and that these last few weeks have not been overly tedious. I have greatly desired to see you, and I pray you will give me the pleasure of dinning with me this eve. Until that time, I await eagerly to see your beautiful face again.
Eternally yours,
Prince Christoph De’Marcos
The knot in her stomach twisted, and her heart sank. Soon she knew she would have to face him again, and that meant figuring out how she felt. She didn’t want this man to love her, and she did not want to fall in love with him. Yet why was she fighting herself over it? She wondered.
She set the letter down, and glanced about. She couldn’t sit still, so she left the room, and wandered aimlessly down the hallway. She didn’t care where she went, but she let the hallway, and the rooms she past through take her mind off her worry. Soon she found herself back in the Northern side of the building, where she had been lost on that very first day. She tracked her steps back to the window she had seen, and looked through. The room was exactly as she remembered; and she set about trying to find a door. As she passed around the corner, she found what she was looking for. However she paused was her hand touched the door handle. She couldn’t say why, but as she opened the door a sense of peace flooded over her.
Slowly she walked in, the dust so thick it puffed into the air with each footstep. A window on the far side of the room filled the room with a hazy glow as the light filtered through the dust. The room held very little, a decaying book case underneath a mirror that was in approximately the same place as the window in the hallway. The bed was covered in moldering sheets and blankets, but her eyes were drawn to the painting she had first seen. A beautiful young woman was facing the painter, behind her stood the man who bore Christoph’s visage. His hand rested on her shoulder, and her’s lovingly on his. On the end of the bed lay the book and the rose she had seen. The rose still looked as fresh as if it had just been picked, which was at odd with the aged appearance of the rest of the room. She looked at the book and found it to be a journal filled with flowing graceful script. The date on the page was nearly a thousand years hence.
“My health has declined even more in the past few days, and I find it increasingly difficult to put pen to paper. My prince continues his endless search for a cure, yet each moment I feel weaker then the last. I know my prince suffers as much as I do with each passing moment, yet I treasure each and every one that I have of my prince. I regret that I will leave him without an heir. My heart sings when he is near, and his tenderness towards me fill me with such joy. I weep for the day I may not be at his side any more, and I weep for his gentle heart.
“My prince has tried to be as stalwart as he is in any campaign; ever the paladin of the Shinning Lord. Even when I speak of my passing, he remains my strength though I feel his heart break. Even with my undying love for my prince, I can not bring myself to tell him of my true symptoms. The dreams that haunt me are dark and unholy. They fill me with a vile and evil pleasure which each night as I sleep, I both dread and desire. Never have I felt such impure unholy desire. Every morning I pray for the Shinning Lord’s purity, that these unholy dreams will be banished, yet each night they return. How I fear what my dear prince would do if he learned of these dreams. Would he cast me away? His love is unending; however he must follow his tenants. He is nothing with out them. I also fear I know the cause of my illness, the dreaded creature of the night, the Vampire.
“I grow tired, and the pen is heavy in my hand. I must sleep, yet I am certain I will not wake. I fear greatly for my Christoph.”
The last sentence was cut off by a single drop of blood. A fear griped Angelica as she read those words, yet she couldn’t say why. Certainly there had been no vampires here, or Nina would have warned her. Perhaps this creature had been destroyed, or moved on since this Lady had passed on. She pushed the fear back, and looked around the room again.
An armoire stood near the book case, and as she opened it, she found a row of moldering dresses. One however was in near perfect condition, and as she pulled it out found that it would fit her perfectly. It was a beautiful surcoat of rich burgundy silk, studded with pearls and edged in silver. The under dress was a pale white, and she was sure it would be beautiful on her. She left the room, and headed back to her own her thoughts wandering around her worries.
Once she reached her room, she found food placed on the window seat for her. She sat down and ate, yet her mind kept returning to Christoph’s letter. She tried to distract her self by reading, and other little tasks. However as the sun grew low in the sky, her heart seemed to sink with it, and the knots in her stomach wound tighter.
Just as the sun was disappearing below the horizon, she watched a carriage approach the castle. The gates opened and it rolled into the court yard below. Micale was waiting for it, and opened the door. Christoph and Desanna stepped out, and Christoph looked up at the castle, exactly where Angelica’s window was. A moment later Christoph and Desanna disappeared into the castle.
- Mood: bored
Sunlight was streaming through the window when she next awoke. The sky was a brilliant cloudless blue, and the sun shone brightly just above the horizon. Now that she could see the room around, she found herself in a simple yet cozy bedroom. She lay in a 4 poster bed made from a dark polished wood. Beside it was the small side table with the remains of the candle on it. Across the room from the foot of her bed was an armoire of the same polished wood as the bed. Near the armoire a door led into what looked like a small sitting room. The walls of the room were of a dark smooth stone that matched seamlessly with the next stone, and were conspicuously bare. A large window seat resided under the window, deep and comfortable looking, was covered in burgundy upholstery.
The chair near her bed was occupied by an older woman quietly working on embroidery. The woman’s silver hair was neatly pined up into a bun at the nap of her neck. Her face was lean, almost gaunt and showed lines of age that time had slowly chiseled into her features. She wore a beautiful forest green brocade dress, and a myriad of jewels sparkled in her hair.
“There is breakfast for you on the side table Angelica, I am sure you must be famished.” The old lady spoke as Angelica sat up; the young girl gaped in surprise at being addressed by her own name; but then smelled the food, and her stomach rumbled loudly.
A tray bearing some sort of porridge, and thick crusts of bread sat on the table. The smell was overwhelming and Angelica quickly dug into the food. It was simple fair, but very good. The type of food her mother used to make on the farm. The food was soon gone, but Angelica’s belly was full, and she felt good for once.
“Doctor Ness was pleasantly surprised by your recovery when he came back to check on you this morning. He said your recovery was much faster then he would ever have hoped for, so I am sure you are feeling much better?” The old woman asked after a moment’s pause.
“Yes Ma’am,” replied angelica meekly, as she watched the woman pass then needle back and forth through the cloth she was working on. The movement was so even and repetitive it was almost hypnotic.
“I am quite sure you have many questions, however I do not have many answers for you. Prince De’Marcos wishes you to join him for dinner this evening, asked me to convey his promise to answer your questions then.”
Angelica sat up, and eyed the woman as she spoke. She seemed only interested in her needle work which she never lifted her eyes from. Angelica wasn’t sure if she cared who this woman was, at least the prince wasn’t here watching her. Yet she did find she was curious about the women.
“Who are you?” She asked softly.
“I am Desanna.” The woman replied frankly.
“What are you doing here?”
“The prince asked me to keep an eye on you until you woke up.”
“Oh, um, is there a bathroom I could use?”
“Through here.” The woman stood, moved a tapestry aside to reveal a small hallway leading to another room. “I have also taken the liberty of drawing a bath for you, there are fresh towels, and a robe in there for you.”
“Thank you Desanna,” Angelica gave her a grateful smile before slipping down the hallway into the bathroom.
The room wasn’t as big as the bed room, but it still looked quite comfortable. A large window dominated one wall over a stone tub, and the steaming water in the tub sparkled in the streaming sunlight. A small toilet was nestled in the corner between two columns, and the hole in the center of it plunged down into darkness. A full length mirror hung stood by the wall opposite the tub, with a small basin on one side and a small table on the other. Other then a vase of flowers resting on the table no other decoration graced the bare room.
After reliving her self, Angelica looked at herself in the mirror. It had been a long time since she had looked at herself in a real mirror, and her eyes washed over the image she saw before her. A young woman of with sad eyes looked back at her, the dark almond shaped orbs hiding all the pain she carried. Her pale skin was hidden behind a veil of grim, but that did nothing to hide her full lips which rarely ever bore a smile. Her face was thin, and highlighted her dainty little nose. Long black hair tumbled down her back in a tangled limp mass. Her cloths hung off her thin shoulders, nearly a size to big for her. She slowly undressed, looking at her thin body in the mirror. Her ribs showed clearly through the skin on her sides, a testament to the years of near starvation she had been through.
After a long moment, she eased herself into the hot bath water. The heat seeped into her body, and for the moment melted away her worry. The steam lifted the light scent of lavender into the air, and she closed her eyes in contentment. She soaked in the water for a long while, letting her mind wander to more pleasant thoughts. After she had cleaned everything, she got out, and began drying herself off. She shivered in the chilly air as the water quickly cooled on her skin. Once dry she wrapped the thick wool robe about herself, and headed back into the bedroom.
Desanna was sitting there still working on her needle point as Angelica entered. “Prince De’Marcos has ensured that you have plenty of suitable clothes, which are at your disposal in the armoire. You have free reign of the grounds during the day, however the Prince has requested that unless requested you keep to your room at night, also never leave the grounds at night. There are many dangerous creatures that live within the forests here. Now I have tasks I must attend to, if you need anything find either Micale or myself.” With that she stood, putting her needle work into a small basket and left the room.
Angelica stood there, watching her leave, and then glanced about the room again before moving to the armoire. Inside it was indeed many beautiful dresses. Most of them were made of fabrics Angelica hadn’t ever heard of. She began pulling each one out and looking at herself in the mirror with them. Yet the simplest surcoat was what she decided on in the end. Carefully she put back each article in its place, and then walked over to the window.
Angelica stood there, watching her leave, and then glanced about the room again before moving to the armoire. Inside it was indeed many beautiful dresses. Most of them were made of fabrics Angelica hadn’t ever heard of. She began pulling each one out and looking at herself in the mirror with them. Yet the simplest surcoat was what she decided on in the end. Carefully she put back each article in its place, and then walked over to the window.
Below was a large court yard surrounded on the outer edge by a sturdy stone wall. Beyond that stretched miles of thick forest blanketing the flanks of several mountains off in the distance. The snow covered trees sparkled in the sun light, as the jagged peaks rose over them. On either side of the courtyard, darkened wings of the chateau stretched, and appeared uninhabited. The sun was half way to it’s zenith as Angelica sat on the window seat looking out at the peaceful scene before her.
With her head resting against the frigid glass she wondered about the sudden change in her circumstances. So far this Prince had been kind to her, yet she feared what he might do to her if she refused him. She had heard many stories of the cruelty of the nobility towards peasants who defied them. She did not want to end up as another one of those stories. Yet why should he care if she died? Certainly there were many other girls more suited to serving him then she was. Although she realized part of her was grateful to him.
“I guess I do not want to die any more then I want to live.” She said softly, her breath fogging the window where it touched. Then after a long moment she sighed softly. “I do not want to be come his slave; though the idea of living like this sounds so good. The only question would be what he expects of me in return. But I do not know what he wants, or what he expects when he says I belong to him. Yet no one will tell me what is going on” she paused, her eyes dropping to the courtyard as rider entered the gate and was met by the one she thought was Micale. “Well he had better give me answers this evening.” She stood up, and moved to the sitting room.
The sitting room was a cozy little room, several comfortable chairs sat near the fireplace. Another window seat was beneath the window in this room, and nearby was a heavily loaded book case. Several beautiful paintings hung from the wall, but none of them really caught Angelica’s eye. In fact nothing about the room really held her interest.
She decided to explore the castle and left the bedroom, to find a long hall stretching in both directions. Soft torch light spilled pools of light amongst the thick shadows filling the hall. She looked in both directions, realizing she had no idea where anything might be. She decided to head to her right and see what she might find.
She soon found that the castle was a huge maze of twisting passages and abandoned rooms. Dust was thick on the floor in most of the rooms she went to, and gave her the impression that much of the castle was unused. Most of the rooms were filled with unused furniture covered in sheets, giving a ghostly affect. The silence was as thick as the dust, and the air stank with the scent of dust and age. Paintings or tapestries aged and fading lined the walls in some places, and in others the walls were bare. Many of the rooms she passed through seemed to still bare the marks of those who had lived in them. Some with aging cloths in the armoire, and belongings laid out if the occupant might return any moment.
She grew tired rather quickly as she explored, her body still weak. That was when she realized she was lost. The dark halls seemingly misdirecting her steps into strange rooms, and ever father from any location she could recognize. Her feet grew sore with walking and her legs ached. So she decided to pause in a room that was not quite as dusty as the others. A large sedan was resting against one wall, which she sat down on, and very quickly fell asleep. She awoke to the sense that time had passed, but as there were no windows she was unsure of how much time.
She continued wandering through the hallways, noticing how the stonework was different as newer sections of the castle had been added. In one hall she wandered through the stone was so old it crumbling. It was in this area of the castle that she found several rooms that caught her interest. Peering through a window she saw a bedroom suit on the other side. The room had once been a beautiful retreat for a woman of the castle, yet now the dust very thick on the floor and no footprints appeared in the dust. An extravagant 4 poster bed stood against the wall opposite of the window, with heavy dark curtains around it. A small book lay open on the bed, and long stemmed red rose lay on the book as fresh as if it had just been picked. What really held her attention was a painting on the wall beside the bed of a young woman. She was posing for the picture, and right behind her stood a man, his hand on her shoulder. This had an eerie resemblance to Christoph, and angelica stared at it for a long time. But then she realized that it couldn’t be Christoph, it must be a relative even though the likeness was almost exact.
Even after she had turned away from the window, that painting stuck in her mind. She didn’t know why, but she felt her unease growing. Perhaps she would ask the Prince about this painting at dinner as well. However walking past another window that looked down on a small garden a floor below drove this thought from her mind. She looked out and saw that the sun was nearing the horizon. She had been wandering around all day, and still had no idea where she was.
She sat down and held her knees against her chest, resting her chin on her knees. Surely some one would notice she was missing and find her. Yet the silence here was so profound, she couldn’t even hear the wind outside the window.
“Now what am I going to do?” She asked the silence softly. “I’ve gotten myself lost, and as far as I know, no one even knows I’m missing. How can one building even be this big?” She sighed softly, then paused. She thought she heard something down the hall way. The sound of footsteps echoed softly off the stone walls.
Angelica stood up, and noticed that the sun was on the horizon creating a beautiful sunset across the sky. She turned to find a young girl hurrying towards her. She had short brown hair, and a cheerful face. Her clothes were simple, and very practical. She skidded to a halt as reached Angelica.
“My Lady!” She gasped a bit out of breath. “I have been looking for you, her Ladyship Desanna was worried when you did not appear for the mid day meal, and it is now nearly time for your dinner with his Highness Prince De’Marcos. Her Ladyship Desanna is waiting for you in your room! Come on! I will show you the way!” The girl grabbed Angelica’s arm, and took off down the passage way. Angelica had to run to keep up with the girl, and had a rather hard time of it.
When they neared Angelica’s room, the girl slowed to a walk giving Angelica a moment to catch her breath. “Between you and me, My Lady, you should not go to that area of the castle again. It’s not safe anymore.” Said the girl quickly, as she opened Angelica’s door, and then closed it again behind Angelica.
Desanna stood before the wardrobe, carefully looking through its contents. She looked up at Angelica with a cool smile, before placing some articles of clothing on the bed.
“Good, Nina found you. I have taken the liberty of choosing some items for you. Now then, go put this on.” She handed Angelica an under dress, and pointed at a screen that now stood in the corner of the room. Obediently Angelica moved behind it, did as she was told.
“Why did the Prince insist on me?” She asked as she undressed.
“He has a claim on you. Your father owed a debt to the prince, and you were payment. He has spent a lot of time trying to find you, you should be grateful for what he has done.”
“Why does he believe my father promised me to him?”
“The Prince spared your father’s life. Your father stood charged with murder, while the prince had exonerating evidence, by tradition he could do nothing with out reciprocation from your father.”
“why is that?”
“The prince would do far better at explaining such then I.”
Angelica came out from behind the screen, and Desanna began to fit a corset about her. She cinched it so tight that Angelica thought it was going to tear her in two, and she could barely breathe as Desanna slipped the outer dress over her, and laced up the back. Then she brushed out Angelica’s hair, and she began to weave an intricate web of fine strands that covered her head like lace while the rest of her hair fell straight down her back. Finally she placed a dazzling necklace of tiny rubies about her neck. When she was done, she stepped back and took in her work.
“You’ll do, now I am sure the prince is waiting for you in the library. Please come with me.”
Angelica followed her from the room, trying her best to keep up with the corset on. She wondered why women would wear such horrible things. Still she managed to keep up, and soon found herself being ushered into the largest library she had ever seen.
As she entered, the doors shut behind her with a dull thud that almost made Angelica jump. Bookcases lined the walls from floor to ceiling. A desk sat in the middle of the room, and a number of comfortable looking chairs sat before a huge fireplace that contained a roaring fire. A large oak bar sat nestled between two bookcases, and was laden with glasses and ornate bottles. Various paintings were displayed between the cases as well, but the low lighting of the room made them seem menacing.
Across the room, Christoph stood before a window, cloaked in shadow. His form was still, and he seemed to be watching something intently. His Long black hair hung past his shoulders thick and straight. He wore a white shirt that hung loose over black trousers. His shoulders were broad, and he appeared well built. As he turned from the window, the paleness of his features struck Angelica as unusual. But his face was still handsome. His features were thin, and seemed almost carved from stone. Yet his dark eyes held her gaze captive.
“My dear, you are truly ravishing. How are you doing this evening?”
“I am better I think, thank you.” She said softly, finding it difficult to speak while wearing the corset.
“You are most welcome my dear.” He stepped forward, and took her hand, kissing the back of it gently. Angelica’s heart jumped as he did it, and she started blushing profusely.
“Please have a seat Angelica. There is quite a bit I would like to discuss with you before dinner.” He led her to a chair by the fireplace, and Angelica sat down, but Christoph remained behind her, one hand resting on her shoulder.
“I understand you met Desanna today?”
“Yes, I met her”
“And what do you think of her?”
“She does not seem to like me, nor does she seem very happy.”
“Yes, her days of duty have passed. Yet she does not like the idea of retiring or of her position being filled.”
“Is that why you brought me here?”
“That is quite right.”
“What exactly does she do for you?”
“A great number of things actually, however her main duty has simply been to be a companion for me.”
Angelica started, fear rising in her heart. “Do you mean…” her voice trailed off.
“No, nothing like that, I will not ask anything of that you do not wish to do. Your service to me will be as blameless as you choose. Simply provide me with company, whether it be taking dinner with me, or traveling with me. I will provide you with anything you desire.”
“And if I should decide to decline your offer?”
“I would hope that would not be your decision. Since you belong to me, it is within my right to make you do what I need. However I find that works contrary to my needs. Besides if you spurn my offer what will you do? Would you go back to that alley to freeze?”
“You assume that I did not want to die.”
“You wish for death then?”
“I wish for rest, for a reprieve from the path the fates have set me on.”
“Yet you have lived for such a short time, how can you be sure?”
“Even if I have only seen the worst of life, how do you expect me to believe there can be anything better? My dreams always remind me of the terrible things that have happened, so I can never forget. My ill luck has led me from one disappointment to the next, with no reprieve in the interim.”
There was a quiet pause as Christoph seemed to consider her answer. “If I could provide for you safety from these troubles, would ye be more willing to consider my offer?”
“Can you really guarantee me that service to you would include no more tragedy, or trouble?”
“There is much I can do with the power the queen has invested in me, as such I can promise you a life of safety as much as it is within my power to do so. I can also provide for any need, or want you may have.”
His offer was tempting. While she had never really wanted wealth, the thought of not having to worry about basic needs was appealing. However a knot in the pit of her stomach told her his offer was too good to be true. It seemed too much to believe that he would just pick some one off the street, even if he did claim ownership of her. There must be hundreds of girls that would be more knowledgeable then her, and better equipped then her to provide what he wanted.
Angelica felt one finger gently caressing her neck as he spoke again his touch sending a shiver down her spine. “Give me a year to prove myself to you. If after that you have not found happiness, then I will give you the rest you desire.”
As he spoke, time seemed to slow. The clock on the mantle fell silent as the hands seemed to cease their movement. Flames that had been dancing merrily in the fireplace seemed to slow it’s undulations until frozen. She felt a growing desire to accept his offer; she wanted the ease of the life he was describing. She knew she wanted that life, with a growing desperation. She gave in to that desire, with a slow nod of her head; but at the same moment her heart sank within her chest.
“I am glad you accept, my dear.” She could hear his pleasure in his voice.
“I am quite sure you will be happy here. Now would you like a glass of wine?”
Again Angelica nodded, not able to find any words. Christoph moved away from her, and she heard the clink of a bottle behind her. As he moved away she felt as if time slowly resumed. The fire began its dance again, and the clock again continued its soft unobtrusive ticking as the hands counted out the seconds and minutes.
A few moments later, Christoph placed a glass of wine in her hands. “There will be much that Desanna will teach you. You must learn how a proper woman conducts herself, as well as how to entertain guests in my absence. Also an understanding of current politics, history and art; I expect you to have an understanding of all courtly arts. Finally I also expect you to learn to defend yourself, which micale will oversee.”
Angelica nodded as she sipped her wine, savoring the full bouquet of flavors the dark liquid held. On her empty stomach, it went to work quickly.
“Have you had an opportunity to see the castle yet?”
“A little, I got lost rather quickly.” She replied softly
“Well after dinner I will give you a more adequate tour. There are many aspects of this château that are unique.”
“I would like that, what I have seen so far seems like a maze.”
The prince chuckled, “yes it is an old building; it has been my family’s home for nearly a thousand years. Much has been added on during the span of those years, which has created a very unusual building.”
“How did your family come to own it?” she asked quietly.
“The De’Marcos family was one of the first to move into these lands from over the mountains. We cleared the land of the vermin and beasts which resided here, made the land habitable for those who followed. We have ruled over the people of Kirindal for then as we do now.”
“Has there always been a De’Marcos on the throne?”
“No, after the vampire wars it was thought the line had died out, thus other households arose to via for the throne. My Great grandfather was able to restore the De’Marcos line to the throne.
“Were they killed in the vampire wars?”
“That is unknown, very little is known of things in those times.”
“I thought that war was a myth to frighten young children.”
“Hardly, though as very little reliable information exists from that war, it has indeed past from truth to myth in the minds of the general populace.”
Just then the door opened, and the young girl who had found angelica earlier entered. “Your Highness, My Lady, your dinner is ready”
“Very good, Angelica this is Nina, I have assigned her to serve you. Should you need anything simply ring for her.”
Angelica nodded slightly as Christoph took her arm and led her from the room. The torches flickered softly as they headed down the hall, casting eerie shadows about them. The wine had made angelica’s head feel hazy which gave the hallway a surreal appearance. The shadowy paintings seem to glare sternly at her, even Nina’s shadow seemed to be moving on its own.
Once they reached the dinning room, Christoph seated her near the head of the table; then took his own seat at the head. The room was dominated by a long table intricately carved from a dark mahogany. Another fireplace stood at the end of the room, filling the room with a comfortable heat. Tapestries of epic battles lined the walls, seemingly faded from years of display. Before them on the table were plates carefully covered by silver domes. Nina removed the covers, and quietly sneaked from the room shutting the door behind her.
Christoph began eating, and after a moment Angelica followed his lead. Silence fell over the room as they eat yet angelica felt his eyes on her the whole time. The food was exquisite, and Angelica had a hard to making herself eat slowly and savor every bite. As she finished her plate, Christoph filled another glass of wine.
“How did you enjoy your dinner?”
“It was very good.”
“It appears that Desanna may have an easy time teaching you social graces.”
“My parents did teach me a few manners.”
“What happened to your parents?”
“I suspect you all ready know.”
“I have seen the result, however as yet I do not know their cause. Their deaths have come as a hard blow to several who used to know and love your parents, including the queen herself.”
Angelica glanced at Christoph, and felt her gaze held by his eyes as she began to tell the story. “Winter came early that year, announced by a blizzard which was the worst I had ever seen. My father had not made his last trip to town with the last of the produce he needed to sell. So when the winds of the blizzard had died down, he and all of the men left for town. The winds returned a day or so after they left which made all of use worried. After they left my nurse and my mother both got sick. I do not know what it was but they wasted away in only a few days. After my father had been a week over due, a pigeon came in from town with a note indicating my father and the men had been found frozen to death.”
Christoph seemed thought full for a long moment, though his impassive face gave no other indication of what he might be thinking. “Yet there were three bodies found in the house. One of them looked like a farm hand, and appeared to have met a rather violent end.”
Angelica swallowed hard, and tried to break her gaze away from Christoph’s. “That was Jacques, one of the farm hands whom my father instructed to guard us.”
“What happened to him?” Christoph’s voice took on a stern tone, and Angelica could not look away.
“I killed him,” she said softly feeling as if the truth were being ripped from her.
A look of puzzlement crossed his face. “Why pray tell would you do such a thing?”
Again she swallowed hard as she replied, “because he forced me to have relations with him.”
No reaction crossed his face as angelica finally broke his gaze, and stared down at the wine. Taking a sip to steady herself, as she tried to pretend she hadn’t actually told him the truth. The sense of dread tightened in her stomach, certain he would have to send her to the gallows now.
“I am glad you have told me the truth my dear. Do not worry; nothing is going to happen now. I have promised to protect you, and that I will do.” His face still showed no sign of emotion when angelica looked up at him, but a sense of relief still washed over her.
A moment later Christoph stood, “I also promised to show you the castle.” He said as a slight smile crossed his face. “Would you like that?”
“yes” she responded quietly as she stood, but placed her hand on the table to steady herself as the room started to spin.
“Are you all right my dear?”
“I believe so, I only stood up too quickly.” She responded as the spinning stopped. Christoph offered her his arm, and led her from the room. He led her through many rooms of the castle, regaling her with stories of things that had happened there. There were many dark and dusty rooms filled with ancient furniture. The shadowy corners seemed to hold so many secrets, and her imagination began to run wild. The stories that Christoph was relating were of wild romancing, and brutal betrayal. By the time Christoph had led her to the highest point of the castle, the parapets of the north tower, Angelica would have believed just about anything he might have said.
From the top of the tower there was a 360 degree view of the valley below. Stars shone like diamonds in the darkened sky, and the snow below glowed in the moon’s pale light. Angelica covered her soft gas with her hand.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Indeed it is this view has not changed since the castle was built.”
“I have never seen anything so beautiful.”
Behind her Christoph smiled, his hand resting on her shoulder. Angelica gazed out at the night darkened mountains trying to drink in every detail. Looking over the crenellation, she could see the snow filled courtyard 4 stories below. Suddenly the realization of how high she was hit her. The sky began to spin around above her, and the frozen ground suddenly seemed to rush up towards her as the corset squeezed the last of the air from her lungs, and darkness crept into her vision
Faster then the eye could see, Christoph lunged forward and pulled her back from the edge. Gently he set her down against the wall, put a bottle to her lips. Angelica felt the hot foul tasting liquid drip down her throat. The darkness fled, and she opened her eyes to see him leaning over her as the world spun around.
“There you are,” Christoph said softly. “I have pushed you too hard, and you are still quite weak.” He picked her up with ease, and cradling her in his arms headed back to her room at an amazing speed. Once they reached it, he laid her on the bed and with surprising speed removed the overdress that revealed the corset hiding underneath.
“Desanna was a fool for putting you in a corset.” He growled, as he leaned over her, cutting the lacings on the offending garment. Air flooded back into Angelica’s lungs, and her breath came in large gasps for long moments. Her spent form lay limply in Christoph’s arms. It didn’t take long for her to go to sleep as she listened to the sound of his breathing. As she drifted off, she wondered if this is what love felt like.
Angelica dreamed. Again she was standing in her childhood home, her back still to the front door. She could feel Him near by, his hunger stronger then she’d ever felt it. There was a burning anger at her escape, and she felt his determination to satisfy himself this time. She sensed him lumbering towards her through the darkened halls, and her terror mounting with each step he took. She wanted to run, to open the door behind her and flee. Yet she couldn’t move she never could; the dream was always the same.
Now she watched as those red eyes move towards her, burning with hunger and hatred. Something brushed her cheek, and her scream echoed through the hall as her knees buckled and her back slid down the door as she slumped to the floor. He was reaching towards her as she suddenly woke up.
Christoph was gently shaking her as she opened her eyes. “Your dreams are dark again.” He said softly as he wiped away her tears. She shivered at his touch, as it mirrored the touch in her dream. “You are safe my dear.” He said again, trying to comfort her; and he continued to hold her until her sobs quieted and she drifted into sleep again.
- Mood:artistic
The trip to this stranger’s chateau was barely a fevered dream for Angelica. A few moments of lucidity, or perhaps hallucinations, she wasn’t sure which, were the only moments she remembered. She vaguely remembered being carried into a dark ominous castle in a feverish haze. Yet through the thickly falling snow she could see little more then darkened windows, and the gapping maw of the entry way.
When she awoke, she found herself lying in the most comfortable bed she had ever been in. The satin sheets enveloped her, and the thick down comforter buried her with warmth. The room around her was dark, and even though the moon was pooling pale light near a window across the room, she could barely make out any detail of the room. Though it seemed relatively large, the shadows were so thick she couldn’t tell where floor ended and the walls began.
A small table by the head of the bed bore a small candle that did little to light the room. Yet it did show an older man standing by her bed. He held her wrist in an iron grip as he looked at a small pocket watch tarnished from years of use. His head was covered in a wild shock of white which contrasted starkly with his black suit typical of those in the medical profession. After a long moment, during which her raw skin burned from his touch, he laid her arm back down on the bed and turned towards a chair shrouded in shadow.
“This girl is very lucky Prince, for being in the elements so long she should not suffer any loss of her extremities. Her pulse is still weak, and she suffers from a high fever. However she should make a full recovery with proper care, and rest.” The doctor paused as he started to put some odds and ends into his bag. “I will take my rest now, and return in the morning. Shall I call Desanna to sit with her?”
“No Doctor,” came a soft reply from the shadows. “Desanna is away, nor would I ask Micale to sit with her, this task is to important for his hand. I will stay here myself to watch over her.” There was no movement from the shadow shrouded chair to indicate if some one was even there.
“As you wish my Prince, shall I have Micale bring up food for the poor girl? I would suspect she will wake soon and need nutrients.”
“Yes, but ensure that what he sends is to your satisfaction.”
“Of course, I will take my leave now good eve my prince.”
With his farewell, he left the room. Moments later the candle on the side table inked out, darkening the shadow of the room. Trying to get a better view of the room, Angelica tried to push herself up, but the effort only succeeded in shooting pain through her joints. A soft groan escaped her lips as she waited for the pain to subside. She realized that her skin felt like it was on fire, and her head ached horribly. While a myriad of questions were bouncing around in her brain, her fevered mind could barely make heads or tales of them and even the effort made her headache worse.
With determined effort she rolled over onto her side, so that she could she the window better. The pain of the sheets rubbing against her skin made her eyes water, and another soft cry of pain escaped her lips. Slowly she was able to focus more on a shape that stood behind the chair, as indistinguishable as it was, she was sure it was the stranger who brought her here.
“Why did you not just let me die?” She whispered hoarsely, her voice grating in the silence.
There was a slight movement in the shadows, as the stranger sat down in the chair, his features still hidden by the veil of shadows. “You belong to me child, and I do not in good conscience allow harm to come to my possessions.”
“Who are you, and why do you believe I belong to you?” Anger bubbling up in her that he wasn’t answering her questions.
“I am Prince Christoph De’Marcos, you were given to me long before you were born child, however now is not time for such answers. You are still weak, and need rest.”
“I do not want to rest, nor do I want to be here.” She replied, irritated at his vague responses. Yet she knew she couldn’t do anything now, she doubted she could even get out of bed let alone find her way out.
“You will have time to consider that choice, as I will have much to discuss with you when you have regained your strength. For now, please do as I ask, trust that you are safe.”
Before she could respond, the door opened, and the man she vaguely remembered as Micale entered. He carried a tray which he handed to Christoph, and quickly left the room. Christoph moved closer to the bed, and set the tray down on the bed. Angelica saw a small bowl of broth, and some bread all of which smelled heavenly.
“Will you eat child?” He asked, as he lifted the spoon to her lips. Obediently she let him feed her, feeling silly and indignant at the same time. The broth was rich to her palette, but seemed to calm her hunger better then anything she’d had in a long time. The Prince was very gentle as he feed her, but said nothing, and only his eyes moved as he watched her eat.
He set the tray on the side table once the bowl of broth was empty, and resumed his seat. Angelica watched him, as her eyelids began drooping again. However she was determined not to fall asleep again. She didn’t trust this prince, and the kindness he had shown so far only increased her unease.
“Who had the authority to ‘give me’ to you?” She asked suddenly, her throat scratching with the effort.
Christoph sighed softly at her question. “Your father, child; you really must rest; you will not be doing anyone any good in your current state.” He stood again, and moved back to the bed side. He had the small bottle in his hand as he leaned over her. He put the bottle to her lips, but she pull away from him despite the pain.
“No, I do not want that.” She cried; again fear crept over her as she wondered what was really in that bottle.
“This is a simple tonic that will help your body heal. Let me take care of you, at least until you are well.” He said softly, almost looking hurt at her refusal. She gave in as she suddenly felt compelled to do what he had asked. Gently he supported her, as he put the bottle to her lips and the liquid dribbled into her mouth. She swallowed it, grimacing at the horrible taste that lingered in her mouth. Very quickly the tonic began to work, and her mind grew hazy as the room began to spin.
“Good girl, now go to sleep and tomorrow we shall see if you have enough strength for answers.” She looked up at him, confusion and frustration welled up in her, but her eyes fluttered closed, and sleep overtook her.
Angelica dreamed the darkened halls of her childhood home surrounded her. Silence hung thickly over the old house, just as thick as the dust that had accumulated over the years. She stood with the front door to her back, closed as it always was, and looked down the main hallway towards the kitchen. Four doors opened on either side of the hallway, and a set of stairs ascended against the wall on her right. She knew that upstairs were bedrooms and sitting rooms, and on the third floor was her rooms which she had always shared with her nurse. On the main floor she knew the sitting room and library were to her left, and on her right was a private sitting room in front of the large dinning room. The hall ended in the kitchen, and a small breakfast nook nestled beside it.
However after so many years the once clean and cheerful house had fallen into disrepair. Broken windows allowed the cold wind to have free reign over the abandoned halls. The once cheery wallpaper was faded and peeling, and the floor was cracking and warped from the elements that had gotten into the house. Even though the house was always older in her dream, as if time marched on even in her memories, she was the same 13 year old girl that she had been the last time she had ever seen her home.
Angelica stood there, by the door, terrified to move, terrified to make a sound that would let him know she was here again. She could feel his presence nearby, the lust that pervaded his every thought. However silence never worked, he always knew when she arrived in her dreaming state. He seemed to feed off her terror; it was erotic to him just as much as what he wanted to do to her. He never hid his thoughts from her, because he knew this terrified her more.
As she stood there at the door her heart quaked as she saw the burning, glowing eyes in the doorway to the kitchen. He knew she was here, and he was hungry. He moved towards her as she stood frozen in place. His breath reeked of decay, and his flesh hung in decayed ribbons of tissue and sinew from his rotting bones. An evil smile played across his face as he reached one hand of decayed flesh towards her face.
“You will always be mine little girl!” He chuckled, and pulled her towards his rotting body. She screamed, and struggled against him terrified of what inevitably would come next; what he would do to her this time.
Suddenly she was awake; her screams rang in her ears as she realized she was still in the comfortable bed, cradled in Christoph’s arms. Terror made her body shake despite the warm blanket, as it slowly ebbed. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she realized the dream had not played out to its horrific end, for the first time she had escaped.
“It is just a dream child, you are safe, and nothing is going to happen to you.” Christoph whispered softly in her ear, “dreams will trouble you no more this night,” he continued as he gently stroked her hair, which some how she found more comforting then his words.
“I can not sleep with out horrible dreams.” She cried, burying her face in his chest her tears soaking cloths. “I just want to sleep, no dreams, no waking.”
“Sleep now child, sleep with out dreams.” He whispered the command, holding her close, and rocking her gently as sleep invaded not even giving her a chance to fight it.
- Mood:artistic
If you started a restaurant, what would it serve, what would it look like and what would you name it? You have an unlimited budget. Submitted By |
The food would be simple dishes, and classics; things like lamb or beef shepards pie, chicken, turkey or beef pot pies, tomato soup and grilled cheese. Although I plan on working in some variations for the tomato soup, and of course one can not have a medieval pub with out beef stew, or huge hunks of meat, probably in the form of roast chicken or turkey platters, or other roasted meats servered over plenty of vegitables. As for beverages there would of course be the normal assortment of non alcoholic drinks, but the main staples would be beer and wine. Now this establishment would not serve the big 3...I'm sorry but if you piss water you can go down to your neighborhood sports bar to get that crap. No the beer would all be from microbrewerys or imports, and I would try to get as many import wines aswell, but anything from american winerys would have to be top quality. There would be hard liqour as well but as with everything else it would have to of decent quality, I would want my well liqours to actually taste good.
The main common room would be laid out so that there are private booths set into the walls, but everything else would be open tables set to accomidate large groups, especially large gaming groups. There would be large chandaliers to give as much light as possible, and of course the large fireplace for cooler evenings to give heat.
- Mood:
contemplative
Angelica sat in the dark hugging her knees to her chest. She could hear the whispers again, drifting around her like ghosts circling her. She still couldn’t understand the whispers; they were ephemeral voices just beyond her reach. Icy tears dripped down her face, leaving trails through the dirt on her face. She sat on hard unforgiving stone, around her stretched a dirty alleyway between two decrepit stone buildings. Refuse that littered the ground filled the air with an acrid pungent scent. Her cloths that had once been fine garments were now in tatters and did nothing to keep out the freezing wind blowing about her. Her back was against the rough stone of one the buildings.
Her loneliness seemed so complete, so completely different from the happy days on her parent’s farm. She had never known what cruelty could exist then. When Jacques had his way with her, she didn’t know what to do. When her nurse and mother succumbed to a mysterious disease she was devastated. But when she received word that her father and the farm hands had died on their way back to the farm by a freak blizzard, she had felt abandoned. It was then that she was truly alone with a man whose carnal lust was far from sated.
Angelica shuddered from the cold, but also from the horror of her memories. When she fled the farm house, her body had been so abused that she wasn’t sure if she was still alive. Within the cold dark halls of her ancestral home lay three bodies, the third still growing cold in a pool of blood.
Several years had passed since that day, and Angelica had run from city to city. Always a shadow had stalked her. It brought ill luck and misfortune to her everywhere she went. Now she sat cold, hungry and alone in a forsaken alley. As she huddled there, snow began to fall, slowly at first, but quickened as the minutes passed. Soon it was a blinding curtain of white. Angelica knew if she stayed where she was, she’d freeze to death, but part of her didn’t care anymore.
At 17 years old she was tired of life, and just wanted to sleep undisturbed by dreams of her nightmare. The cold settled over her, making her sleepy, and she didn’t fight. All she could think of was joining her parents in the huntress’ realm. This thought made her happier then she’d felt in a long time. Her eyes closed, and her head drooped to her chest. The blue pallor of her skin got darker, but now her mind slept.
She dreamed of a green field, the sun warm on her frozen face. She looked down at her hands and saw life returning to them. The grass was warm and soft beneath her bear feet. The field stretched out in every direction, filled with fragrant grasses and beautiful flowers. Thick dark forests bordered the field on every side, casting a cool shadow over the soft grasses at the tree line. Across the field she saw people emerging from the tree line, and walking towards her. Though they moved slowly, she could soon make out her mother’s noble features and her father’s strong frame. However there was a third figure she didn’t recognize.
“ma’ma! pa’pa!” She cried relieved to see their faces. However as she tried to run to them she found her feet were rooted to the grass. Tears began to fill her eyes, as she began to fear that maybe she had done too bad things to be able to stay here.
The three figures paused a short distance away from the young girl, and a brilliant light suddenly cascaded down between them so that Angelica could barely make out her parents.
“Oh Angelica!” Her mother cried, her voice breaking with grief. “oh my child, my poor little girl!”
“Angelica, be strong, my little bird, learn to fly above the storm.” Her father’s voice shook as well, but the third figure raised its hand to silence her parents.
She looked like a hunter, tall and regal. Long tresses of dark brown hair fell down her back over beautifully worked leathers. A bow, unstrung, hung from her back covered in runes and intricate knot work. Though because of the veil of light Angelica could make out little else.
“Child, it is not yet your time, be strong and you may yet find peace within my realm. You must return to the realm of mortals, and find your path.” With a wave of her hand, Angelica felt herself falling into blackness. The light and beauty of the field faded, and once again she was in darkness. Her heart sank within her chest as the cold invaded back into her bones. She tried to open her eyes but they felt like they had frozen shut. The cold stone bit into her back, and her body was so stiff she didn’t think she could move.
As she sat there, she heard footsteps in the alley. Slow and measured steps moving towards her, as if the person, to whom the sound belonged was considering something.
“I found the child My Prince, However she is near death.” The voice was rough, and seemed to hold fear for the one it addressed.
“I will bring her back.” A second voice responded in a thick accent. “She seems just a statue of ice.” She heard cloth sliding over cloth, and smelled a slight scent of cologne and tobacco smoke as some one knelt over her. She felt a gloved hand caress her cheek. “Her tears have even frozen to her cheeks; I shall have Desanna render this image in stone.”
“My Prince, we can not wait longer, she will pass beyond your aid very soon.”
“Of course Micale, get the horses; she will be back on her feet before you return.” Angelica heard shuffling steps heading away.
The hand withdrew from her face, and she could feel the darkness creeping back, her mind loosing grip on reality. “Ah, my child, you have heard our words. Pay no heed to your dark dreams.” She felt something put to her lips, “drink my child, and be restored.” A hot thick liquid dripped into her mouth, and burned all the way down her throat. She also felt an over powering warmth spreading over her, and her mind grew hazy as if she was drunk.
The gloved hand returned to cup her face, gently wiping away the ice over Angelica’s eyes. Once the ice was removed her eyes fluttered open, and she weakly looked up into the face of an impeccably dressed noble. He was an older man, though his age barely showed in the lines on his face. His hair was long and straight, and though black it was starting to grey. A top hat cast a shadow over his face hiding much detail from view. He wore a dark suit, though the coat had long tails no longer in fashion among Kirindal nobles. His eyes were dark pools that held Angelica’s gaze, and seemed to draw her in.
“Child, I shall see to your health.” He stood, and started to pull her to her feet, but a cry of pain escaped her lips as her stiff limbs were forced to move. Her teeth were chattering loudly now, and she didn’t have the strength to stand.
“Another draught should give you strength child.” He said softly, as he lifted a bottle of red glass to her lips. The liquid rolled down her throat burning the whole way. She gasped, the cold air causing the liquid to steam, it was thick and foul smelling. The world began spinning around her, and while she could feel the stiffness in her limbs melt away, any remaining strength was also fleeing. She felt her legs collapsing under her. The man looped his arm around her waist, as he slipped the bottle into his overcoat.
“here is my carriage little one, I will take ye to my home where ye can recover.” He swiftly headed down the alley, as angelica stumbled along beside him barely able to keep her feet. She was lifted into the carriage, and the strange man got in behind her.
“Go Micale! and do not stop for anything.”
“Yes My Prince.” With a snap of the reigns, the carriage sprang into motion. Angelica tried to steady herself against the sudden movement, but was nearly thrown from her seat. The man caught her, and gently laid her down on the seat beside him, covering her with a thick blanket.
Angelica lay the blanket slowly warmed her, and she looked at the man beside her. “Why did you do this?” She asked softly, her voice cracking with each word.
“you belong to me child,” was his only reply.
“I belong to no one, I am free.” She exclaimed, as she began to feel alarmed.
“No one is truly free my dear, but now is not the time for answers.” He pulled the blanket closer about her, then gently brushed her cheek with his hand. “Sleep now, answers will come once you have recovered.”
As if on command, her eyes fluttered closed and sleep began to over take her. Still a faint inkling of unease staid in the back of her mind as darkness overtook her, and her mind floated into dream.
- Location:Work
- Mood:creative
So to start with I will post a story that I've been working on for some years, yet I still don't feel satisfied with it yet. This one, as with many of my works is untittled. I hope it's liked.
- Mood: thoughtful
Well I have returned from An Tir/West war Victorious. So much happened while we were there, and I think pretty much everyone had a blast even the Westies, considering we kicked their asses...again...hehe anyways, here's what happened.
Day 1
We got up at 5ish am, and finished loading the car with a few extranious items, and headed over to my sister's. We planed to caraven down with Janna and Justin, and were gonna meet up with Tom and Wendy, the rest of our camp mates down there. So by 6:20 ish we were on the road. We were heading down to gold beach with is about a 6 hour drive from portland, I'm still cringing from the gas cost on that one. But I do have to say that was a beautiful drive, since gold beach is on the oregon coast just this side of the cali/oregon border we spent a good deal of time on 101 that parallels the coast. I love that regon, it's so beautiful any time of year.
We pulled onto site at about 1ish, since we had made a few pit stops for food and gas along the way. Luckily Tom and Wendy had gotten there about 20 minutes before gate opened, so we got a choice spot, close to the merchants, close to parking and gate, and not that far from the fighting feild. We emidately started setting up camp, my tent is fairly easy to set up, and rick and I just kinda threw it up quickly so that we could retreat from the sun if we needed to. I of course made every put on sunscreen, seeing as it was this really nice sunny day that was a bout the perfect temp, with a light breeze coming off the ocean. The site was a huge pasture surrounded by hills, we couldn't actually see the ocean from there, but we got plenty of ocean breezes during the event that kept everything nice and cool. I just loved how the fog would just randomly roll in when ever it felt like it, but it all ways stuck to the tree line so we'd see these little wispys of fog along the trees but no where else.
I think it only took us a few hours to set up, and we threw up a tent for Jon who was suppose to be coming down friday with all the wood my sister had gotten for us. After that it was just is back and relax, and wiat for Iron Ring to show up, we had heard that they had rented a school bus to get as many people down there as possible. Which was rather funny when they showed up because they of course had painted stuff on the sides of the bus. On one side was just Iron Ring, on the other side it said "West drives the short bus" and on the back it said "Our dragon is bigger then yours." Which amused us, especially since the iron ring should really be called the "drama ring" I'd have been terrified to be on that bus. But I guess they got their safely, and we sat back and watched them from accross the field and laughed as we watched 40 people attempt to set up camp, from what was said after the fact it sounded like no one was willing to step up and take control to make sure it was done properly. Ya...pretty much ended with one of their members camping outside their walls, and going ok I've had enough of this I'm withdrawing my pledge.
But by dark they pretty much had everything set up, and I couldn't breath due to allergies. Half the field hadn't been mowed, so when the autocrats heard about the iron ring bus, they had the site owner come in and mow the other half of the field...except for the parking lot. Between all the crap floating around from the parking lot, and all the crap kicked up from mowing the field my allergies were in over drive even with an antihistamine. So that night we just sat around the fire, chatted with friends as they came by to visit, and drank.
Day 2
I rolled myself out of bed, I could hear tom and wendy outside talking. So I got up and got coffee going, my nose was still stuffed, but I took my allergy med, and hoped it would clear up. At this point it my nose felt like a leaky faucet, but I was making myself deal. Seeing as I'm the main cook I had to, the others could cook but I'm the one in charge and i much prefer cooking to doing the dishes :)
The day was nice and cool, with plenty of fog and sun. Once every one else started dragging themselves out of their tents, a friend of ours, Julie wandered into camp. "I've got bad news guys", she told us, "Jon texted me this morning to say he's not coming." Janna and justin were pissed. Jon had 90% of the wood they had gotten last weekend from my dad's. Now my dad made them haul wood for himself first, before they could get their own, and there's poison oak all over the land up there which they were dodging the whole time. But Jon promised to pay for any wood we had to buy to cover it. So atleast we were able to get some more on a town run, which cost us some 50 dollars... We'd also needed some bitch beers for tablero, and we needed something cake like because it was Janna's birthday on the 5th.
By the time we got back from the town run, I just kinda keeled over in bed and slept for a while...or as well as I could with everyone yelling outside my tent. But basically everyone pretty much relaxed that day, I don't think anyone really did anything other drooling over some hand forged damascus steel blades, and some really nice fire pits....the black smith doing the blades had some absolutely geourgous peices, where were unfortunately 3-7 hundred a piece. As Tom said later..."I need about three grand for everything I want there." I suspect I'd have needed about the same if not more. There was also a beautiful little writting desk I wanted, lots of clothes, books, and of course half the stuff at the two black smiths...going to merchants is a very painful experiance if you have no money. Although one merchant was giving away war kittens...Which was going to grab one to keep Ona company but by the time I figured out who had them, they were all gone. I so would have gone to an armorer we've and gotten it armor...we've seen this particular armorer do armor for a squirrel.
Aside from the merchants we all just kinda relaxed, sitting around and talking. We listened to news drifting ina bout random chaos over at iron ring...They seem to have a lot of very domante women who are only looking out for themselves, I swear to god these women spawn drama...So a lot of Iron ring will come visit us when they need to get away from it. There's also a standing edict in the abby that drama makes me want to strangle people, so anyone who comes in and tries to start anything will either be strangeled or get thier butt kicked.
During this time we also ran into Octavian who has been working on a horn for me. I bought a new horn some time last year because my current one won't hold a whole beer. Unforunately the coating on the inside was cracking and it needed to be refinished, so Octavian had taken it. I was suppose to get back in touch with him about a design for it, so I got that taken care of, using a mug Rune had made for me as a basis for what I wanted on the mug. Originally I had wanted to put the deisgn I was thinking about for my heraldry, but decided agains that for now because I haven't gotten it registered yet which means it could end up having to be changed. So I asked him to just do the outline of a spider on it. While I was over there talking to him I also ran into Darius, the leader of the Iron Ring, and we talked for a bit and he gave me a bottle of Apple Pie. This is an alcoholic beverage that tasts just like an apple pie...I have a decent sized bottle of it now so I am quite happy. But I was drinking beer at the time and I know there's hard alcohol in the apple pie so I saved it for after the event.
By Friday after noon my allergies were getting so bad that there was blood when I would blow my nose...I was sneezing constantly and my eyes were iching so bad I could barely see. So I ended up taking my box of Zertek and wandering over to the chirergon(I have no idea how to spell this word) to find out if I could take a double dose. They told me I couldn't take more then 10mg a day, which was the packaged dosing, so they handed me a strip of sudophed...Now here in oregon any products containing sudophedrine were taken off the shelves some years ago due to all the god damned meth heads, but since this year the event was headed up by the westies, the chirergon was a westie with the real stuff. So I was finally able to get to the point where my nose was no longer dripping for the most part. Still that evening was spent fairly quietly because I pretty exhausted from fighting my allergies.
Although the guys decided to spend the evening playing Tablero. Now since I'm sure most of you are unfamilier with thise game I'll go over a little about it. Sufice to say it is the most popular drinking game in An Tir, and is known as a norse or viking game. But I doubt there any actual historical evidence for those claims. Basically it's played on a chess board, each player places 3 shot glasses on their line to their left hand side, a forth glass is placed in the center of the board, and each player fills the 3 glasses sitting directly infront of them. Then they roll to see who goes first. The highest roll on 2 d6 gets to choose to fill the center shot glass, and go first or let the oponent fill and go first. Then they request the highest ranking female in the general area to roll the queen's number. Essencally every time the queen's number is rolled the player who rolled it yells "queen's number" chooses 1 shot glass, takes the shot and places the glass on the opponates line to fill, this can happen before or after moving the shot glasses acording to the dice. Now the queen's number can't be a 7 or an 11 because those are passing numbers. Once all that is done the players can start, basically you roll the dice and move 2 shot glasses according to the number on the dice, so one shot glass per die...The ultimate goal of the game is to drink your opponants alcohol, the main way of doing that is to get a line of 7, either streight across the boad, diagnoally, or in chevrons. When a player makes a line they yell "linen up and Knockem down". The player who made the line gets to decide how many shots he will take, and how many shots his apponent gets. Generally the oponant will end up taking 4, and then the opponant will refill all 7 shot glasses. Players can hand out shots to any audience which may be watching if they so choose, and this usually happens during the day when the players may have duities later in the evening that they can't be drunk for. Once one player is completely out of alcohol the game is over, if the player could only partially fill the line, the winning play can give a curtsey fill, but has basically at that point won the game. Once the game is won, there is a toast round, the players can hand out shots if they wish, the players both make a toast, usually mocking each other then take the shot.
I pretty much refuse to play it, and I will never ever ever play tablato which is the hard alcohol version of the game. Typically tablero is played with 2-4 bottles of beer, and I can't stress enought the importances of both sides having the same type of beer. The idea of mixing a bitch beer like mikes or schmernoff with a crap beer like pabts or any of the major 3 makes me cringe. Now tablato is a good way to comitte suicide, because by the time you've taken that many shots of hard licqour, you probably are going to the hospital. Using a mixed drink like the apple pie I was talking about can decrease those odds, but the only time I've ever heard of some one playing tablato and not getting sick, was because the players had done the math to figure out how much liqour to use to equal 1 shot of beer...so they were taking tiny shots.
Day 3
By saterday Morning I was feeling so much better that I felt like getting out of camp, and doing some volentiering. After breakfast I wandered down to the fighting feild, and volinteered for water baring...this is basically carrying jugs of water around and making all the fighters drink and stay hydrated. The fighters tend to be very sweet to the water barers for obvious reasons, but I had a lot of fun. Especially since I got to watch the iron ring fight from a lot closer then I'd other wise have been able to. Although that "lot closer" bit is kinda scary when you realize it includeds arrows and other ranged weapons , luckily nothing happened to me. But I have to say after seeing some of the wounds that the fighters were getting, I'm questioning if it's a good idea for me to go heavy, a bruise for me will be twice the size some one else gets...I also got to know some of the people from Caid, and sold a pack of cigerettes to one for enough to buy my bow. *bounces* I have my bow it's 60" 30lb draw fiberglass bow. Good for a basic, combat legal bow. I just need to get practice arrows, and combat arrows, which are bassically padded blunts. I've got a range in Washington park that I can use for free...I just have to get my husband or Tom to string the bow for me because I is weak.
Anyways, Sable was asking to flirt with me while I was out there, and many of the fighters were flirting to one degree or another. Although I have to see I have never seen that many chains in one place, or pointy hats...I was very intimidated by the amount of royalty, and nobility on that field....Apparently there were 4 kings at the event, we had kings of course form An Tir, and the west, that's always the case, but we also had kings from caid and artimsia. I swear every other man was a knight...the chains are woren like a necklace, and signify knighthood...the knights are the bad asses on the field, and from what I understand, it can be very difficult to become a knight. There was one group of them that were particularly initimidating, they were literally wearing all white, the only color were black ermine all over their tunics. Every single one of them were knights...There was also a really really awesome looking group of roman legonairs, I couldn't tell if any of them were knights or titaled because the symbols for both don't really fit the legonaire so I didn't see any of them wearing the chains, kingdom heraldry, or pointy hats. I did see, who I think was the baron of Aniauntum( the kingdom south of 3 mountains which is the one I'm in) come off the field with a huge gash across the bridge of his nose, looked like some one else had their finger tip nearly torn off. Sounded like another man might have ahd some nerve damage to his arm because it was numb when they were trying to take his armor off. But all together not to bad as far as injuries go...For the most part everyone was following the rules, ensureing all the field arrows were still in good shape, and being fairly careful. With this sort of thing you can't prevent injuries but you can prevent the bad ones. (such as some one forgetting to put the blunt on an arrow and it taking some one's eye out)
After I went back to camp, and bought my bow, I went over to herald's point to get my device conflict checked. Basically speaking it has to have 2 points of difference from any other registered heraldry to pass. I had decided to make one minor change before we went to the herald, and because of that change it passed with flying colors. So now my device is a spider head down over a blue field, above is the wavey line with a white field, and three blue trichetras. I just need to get it registered, and I'm good, though I also need to get my name published aswell. Rick had a bit more trouble with his, he needed one more point of difference because I guess a raven rising is fairly popular. Now he's considereing two adders in contrast on red and white feilds.
So after doing that my allergies start kicking my butt again, to the point I had to lie down with a cold compress over my eyes. Which wiped me out for a few hours i'm quite sure...once again though the guys were out side the tent yelling about tablero. Sounded like Justin was sitting at the fire, and Tom was under his day shade, and they were each other...my tent happens to be between those two points. Once that got setteled down my eyes felts swollen for the rest of the night, but I was able to get supper going, and we had some fun wanering back and forth between our encampment and the iron ring encampment. We got to watch a bit of Zekke fire dancing nekid wich I'm sure was what all the guys were excited about. She's actually fairly pretty, skinnier then I am and about my height, but she's got red hair, and comes off as fairly quiet and shy like me. But I think she's got more self confidence then I do because I'd never have the courage to fire dance, let a lone nekid. That and the fact that they were doing the fire dancing in the unmowed feild bothered me, but my sister was throughly disturbed, and revealed that apparently still thinks that most of the rest of the world still believes in marriage, and propriaty. I had to give up on that years ago for the sake of my sanity.
Day 4
This is morning everything was damp, which since sunday was the last day of the event ment that we had to hold off packing up untill the dew dried up. This didn't take too long, so we cooked breakfast, and started packing up gear while the tents dried. The last day of the event is usually quiet as no one really wants to go, no matter how miserable they are. I keep getting Ben the biffy Bard's song "gee ma don't make me go home" stuck in my head. AT some point I'll post the lyrics to that and Balls to the wall in the music section (the unoffical theme song to the SCA..there's a reason they say if you can't get laid in the SCA you can't get laid at all). But for now Gee Ma Don't make me go home is the anthyme to packing up. It was another 6 hour drive home and we arrived at about 7 pm. Deffiantely a fun event, dispite being completely killed by allergies, and we've got tons of ideas for things we want to do in the future.
Day 1
We got up at 5ish am, and finished loading the car with a few extranious items, and headed over to my sister's. We planed to caraven down with Janna and Justin, and were gonna meet up with Tom and Wendy, the rest of our camp mates down there. So by 6:20 ish we were on the road. We were heading down to gold beach with is about a 6 hour drive from portland, I'm still cringing from the gas cost on that one. But I do have to say that was a beautiful drive, since gold beach is on the oregon coast just this side of the cali/oregon border we spent a good deal of time on 101 that parallels the coast. I love that regon, it's so beautiful any time of year.
We pulled onto site at about 1ish, since we had made a few pit stops for food and gas along the way. Luckily Tom and Wendy had gotten there about 20 minutes before gate opened, so we got a choice spot, close to the merchants, close to parking and gate, and not that far from the fighting feild. We emidately started setting up camp, my tent is fairly easy to set up, and rick and I just kinda threw it up quickly so that we could retreat from the sun if we needed to. I of course made every put on sunscreen, seeing as it was this really nice sunny day that was a bout the perfect temp, with a light breeze coming off the ocean. The site was a huge pasture surrounded by hills, we couldn't actually see the ocean from there, but we got plenty of ocean breezes during the event that kept everything nice and cool. I just loved how the fog would just randomly roll in when ever it felt like it, but it all ways stuck to the tree line so we'd see these little wispys of fog along the trees but no where else.
I think it only took us a few hours to set up, and we threw up a tent for Jon who was suppose to be coming down friday with all the wood my sister had gotten for us. After that it was just is back and relax, and wiat for Iron Ring to show up, we had heard that they had rented a school bus to get as many people down there as possible. Which was rather funny when they showed up because they of course had painted stuff on the sides of the bus. On one side was just Iron Ring, on the other side it said "West drives the short bus" and on the back it said "Our dragon is bigger then yours." Which amused us, especially since the iron ring should really be called the "drama ring" I'd have been terrified to be on that bus. But I guess they got their safely, and we sat back and watched them from accross the field and laughed as we watched 40 people attempt to set up camp, from what was said after the fact it sounded like no one was willing to step up and take control to make sure it was done properly. Ya...pretty much ended with one of their members camping outside their walls, and going ok I've had enough of this I'm withdrawing my pledge.
But by dark they pretty much had everything set up, and I couldn't breath due to allergies. Half the field hadn't been mowed, so when the autocrats heard about the iron ring bus, they had the site owner come in and mow the other half of the field...except for the parking lot. Between all the crap floating around from the parking lot, and all the crap kicked up from mowing the field my allergies were in over drive even with an antihistamine. So that night we just sat around the fire, chatted with friends as they came by to visit, and drank.
Day 2
I rolled myself out of bed, I could hear tom and wendy outside talking. So I got up and got coffee going, my nose was still stuffed, but I took my allergy med, and hoped it would clear up. At this point it my nose felt like a leaky faucet, but I was making myself deal. Seeing as I'm the main cook I had to, the others could cook but I'm the one in charge and i much prefer cooking to doing the dishes :)
The day was nice and cool, with plenty of fog and sun. Once every one else started dragging themselves out of their tents, a friend of ours, Julie wandered into camp. "I've got bad news guys", she told us, "Jon texted me this morning to say he's not coming." Janna and justin were pissed. Jon had 90% of the wood they had gotten last weekend from my dad's. Now my dad made them haul wood for himself first, before they could get their own, and there's poison oak all over the land up there which they were dodging the whole time. But Jon promised to pay for any wood we had to buy to cover it. So atleast we were able to get some more on a town run, which cost us some 50 dollars... We'd also needed some bitch beers for tablero, and we needed something cake like because it was Janna's birthday on the 5th.
By the time we got back from the town run, I just kinda keeled over in bed and slept for a while...or as well as I could with everyone yelling outside my tent. But basically everyone pretty much relaxed that day, I don't think anyone really did anything other drooling over some hand forged damascus steel blades, and some really nice fire pits....the black smith doing the blades had some absolutely geourgous peices, where were unfortunately 3-7 hundred a piece. As Tom said later..."I need about three grand for everything I want there." I suspect I'd have needed about the same if not more. There was also a beautiful little writting desk I wanted, lots of clothes, books, and of course half the stuff at the two black smiths...going to merchants is a very painful experiance if you have no money. Although one merchant was giving away war kittens...Which was going to grab one to keep Ona company but by the time I figured out who had them, they were all gone. I so would have gone to an armorer we've and gotten it armor...we've seen this particular armorer do armor for a squirrel.
Aside from the merchants we all just kinda relaxed, sitting around and talking. We listened to news drifting ina bout random chaos over at iron ring...They seem to have a lot of very domante women who are only looking out for themselves, I swear to god these women spawn drama...So a lot of Iron ring will come visit us when they need to get away from it. There's also a standing edict in the abby that drama makes me want to strangle people, so anyone who comes in and tries to start anything will either be strangeled or get thier butt kicked.
During this time we also ran into Octavian who has been working on a horn for me. I bought a new horn some time last year because my current one won't hold a whole beer. Unforunately the coating on the inside was cracking and it needed to be refinished, so Octavian had taken it. I was suppose to get back in touch with him about a design for it, so I got that taken care of, using a mug Rune had made for me as a basis for what I wanted on the mug. Originally I had wanted to put the deisgn I was thinking about for my heraldry, but decided agains that for now because I haven't gotten it registered yet which means it could end up having to be changed. So I asked him to just do the outline of a spider on it. While I was over there talking to him I also ran into Darius, the leader of the Iron Ring, and we talked for a bit and he gave me a bottle of Apple Pie. This is an alcoholic beverage that tasts just like an apple pie...I have a decent sized bottle of it now so I am quite happy. But I was drinking beer at the time and I know there's hard alcohol in the apple pie so I saved it for after the event.
By Friday after noon my allergies were getting so bad that there was blood when I would blow my nose...I was sneezing constantly and my eyes were iching so bad I could barely see. So I ended up taking my box of Zertek and wandering over to the chirergon(I have no idea how to spell this word) to find out if I could take a double dose. They told me I couldn't take more then 10mg a day, which was the packaged dosing, so they handed me a strip of sudophed...Now here in oregon any products containing sudophedrine were taken off the shelves some years ago due to all the god damned meth heads, but since this year the event was headed up by the westies, the chirergon was a westie with the real stuff. So I was finally able to get to the point where my nose was no longer dripping for the most part. Still that evening was spent fairly quietly because I pretty exhausted from fighting my allergies.
Although the guys decided to spend the evening playing Tablero. Now since I'm sure most of you are unfamilier with thise game I'll go over a little about it. Sufice to say it is the most popular drinking game in An Tir, and is known as a norse or viking game. But I doubt there any actual historical evidence for those claims. Basically it's played on a chess board, each player places 3 shot glasses on their line to their left hand side, a forth glass is placed in the center of the board, and each player fills the 3 glasses sitting directly infront of them. Then they roll to see who goes first. The highest roll on 2 d6 gets to choose to fill the center shot glass, and go first or let the oponent fill and go first. Then they request the highest ranking female in the general area to roll the queen's number. Essencally every time the queen's number is rolled the player who rolled it yells "queen's number" chooses 1 shot glass, takes the shot and places the glass on the opponates line to fill, this can happen before or after moving the shot glasses acording to the dice. Now the queen's number can't be a 7 or an 11 because those are passing numbers. Once all that is done the players can start, basically you roll the dice and move 2 shot glasses according to the number on the dice, so one shot glass per die...The ultimate goal of the game is to drink your opponants alcohol, the main way of doing that is to get a line of 7, either streight across the boad, diagnoally, or in chevrons. When a player makes a line they yell "linen up and Knockem down". The player who made the line gets to decide how many shots he will take, and how many shots his apponent gets. Generally the oponant will end up taking 4, and then the opponant will refill all 7 shot glasses. Players can hand out shots to any audience which may be watching if they so choose, and this usually happens during the day when the players may have duities later in the evening that they can't be drunk for. Once one player is completely out of alcohol the game is over, if the player could only partially fill the line, the winning play can give a curtsey fill, but has basically at that point won the game. Once the game is won, there is a toast round, the players can hand out shots if they wish, the players both make a toast, usually mocking each other then take the shot.
I pretty much refuse to play it, and I will never ever ever play tablato which is the hard alcohol version of the game. Typically tablero is played with 2-4 bottles of beer, and I can't stress enought the importances of both sides having the same type of beer. The idea of mixing a bitch beer like mikes or schmernoff with a crap beer like pabts or any of the major 3 makes me cringe. Now tablato is a good way to comitte suicide, because by the time you've taken that many shots of hard licqour, you probably are going to the hospital. Using a mixed drink like the apple pie I was talking about can decrease those odds, but the only time I've ever heard of some one playing tablato and not getting sick, was because the players had done the math to figure out how much liqour to use to equal 1 shot of beer...so they were taking tiny shots.
Day 3
By saterday Morning I was feeling so much better that I felt like getting out of camp, and doing some volentiering. After breakfast I wandered down to the fighting feild, and volinteered for water baring...this is basically carrying jugs of water around and making all the fighters drink and stay hydrated. The fighters tend to be very sweet to the water barers for obvious reasons, but I had a lot of fun. Especially since I got to watch the iron ring fight from a lot closer then I'd other wise have been able to. Although that "lot closer" bit is kinda scary when you realize it includeds arrows and other ranged weapons , luckily nothing happened to me. But I have to say after seeing some of the wounds that the fighters were getting, I'm questioning if it's a good idea for me to go heavy, a bruise for me will be twice the size some one else gets...I also got to know some of the people from Caid, and sold a pack of cigerettes to one for enough to buy my bow. *bounces* I have my bow it's 60" 30lb draw fiberglass bow. Good for a basic, combat legal bow. I just need to get practice arrows, and combat arrows, which are bassically padded blunts. I've got a range in Washington park that I can use for free...I just have to get my husband or Tom to string the bow for me because I is weak.
Anyways, Sable was asking to flirt with me while I was out there, and many of the fighters were flirting to one degree or another. Although I have to see I have never seen that many chains in one place, or pointy hats...I was very intimidated by the amount of royalty, and nobility on that field....Apparently there were 4 kings at the event, we had kings of course form An Tir, and the west, that's always the case, but we also had kings from caid and artimsia. I swear every other man was a knight...the chains are woren like a necklace, and signify knighthood...the knights are the bad asses on the field, and from what I understand, it can be very difficult to become a knight. There was one group of them that were particularly initimidating, they were literally wearing all white, the only color were black ermine all over their tunics. Every single one of them were knights...There was also a really really awesome looking group of roman legonairs, I couldn't tell if any of them were knights or titaled because the symbols for both don't really fit the legonaire so I didn't see any of them wearing the chains, kingdom heraldry, or pointy hats. I did see, who I think was the baron of Aniauntum( the kingdom south of 3 mountains which is the one I'm in) come off the field with a huge gash across the bridge of his nose, looked like some one else had their finger tip nearly torn off. Sounded like another man might have ahd some nerve damage to his arm because it was numb when they were trying to take his armor off. But all together not to bad as far as injuries go...For the most part everyone was following the rules, ensureing all the field arrows were still in good shape, and being fairly careful. With this sort of thing you can't prevent injuries but you can prevent the bad ones. (such as some one forgetting to put the blunt on an arrow and it taking some one's eye out)
After I went back to camp, and bought my bow, I went over to herald's point to get my device conflict checked. Basically speaking it has to have 2 points of difference from any other registered heraldry to pass. I had decided to make one minor change before we went to the herald, and because of that change it passed with flying colors. So now my device is a spider head down over a blue field, above is the wavey line with a white field, and three blue trichetras. I just need to get it registered, and I'm good, though I also need to get my name published aswell. Rick had a bit more trouble with his, he needed one more point of difference because I guess a raven rising is fairly popular. Now he's considereing two adders in contrast on red and white feilds.
So after doing that my allergies start kicking my butt again, to the point I had to lie down with a cold compress over my eyes. Which wiped me out for a few hours i'm quite sure...once again though the guys were out side the tent yelling about tablero. Sounded like Justin was sitting at the fire, and Tom was under his day shade, and they were each other...my tent happens to be between those two points. Once that got setteled down my eyes felts swollen for the rest of the night, but I was able to get supper going, and we had some fun wanering back and forth between our encampment and the iron ring encampment. We got to watch a bit of Zekke fire dancing nekid wich I'm sure was what all the guys were excited about. She's actually fairly pretty, skinnier then I am and about my height, but she's got red hair, and comes off as fairly quiet and shy like me. But I think she's got more self confidence then I do because I'd never have the courage to fire dance, let a lone nekid. That and the fact that they were doing the fire dancing in the unmowed feild bothered me, but my sister was throughly disturbed, and revealed that apparently still thinks that most of the rest of the world still believes in marriage, and propriaty. I had to give up on that years ago for the sake of my sanity.
Day 4
This is morning everything was damp, which since sunday was the last day of the event ment that we had to hold off packing up untill the dew dried up. This didn't take too long, so we cooked breakfast, and started packing up gear while the tents dried. The last day of the event is usually quiet as no one really wants to go, no matter how miserable they are. I keep getting Ben the biffy Bard's song "gee ma don't make me go home" stuck in my head. AT some point I'll post the lyrics to that and Balls to the wall in the music section (the unoffical theme song to the SCA..there's a reason they say if you can't get laid in the SCA you can't get laid at all). But for now Gee Ma Don't make me go home is the anthyme to packing up. It was another 6 hour drive home and we arrived at about 7 pm. Deffiantely a fun event, dispite being completely killed by allergies, and we've got tons of ideas for things we want to do in the future.
- Mood: sad
So lets start with the Bible, I have all ready stated my oppinions on the Bible in one of my rants. Still I'll restate it again. I believe that the Bible is not a set of rules that we must follow or be damned. I believe the Bible is a guide intended to show us how to live happier, healthier lives. Now while I believe that everything in the bible is true, I think that it was inspired buy god, written by man. That means that while the concepts are true, man wrote in terms that his equals would understand, and in terms of the common phsycology of the day. This means that ideas or ways of thinking that were popular at that time of penning those books are reflected in the writting, it doesn't nessicarily mean that god told them to write the exact words that we see today.
Now I also believe that the Bible is not the entire picture of what's going on. Often times when we look at an instruction manule, say for an electronic device we will find how to operate it, and how to take care of it, and some general ideas of how to use it. However We will usually see that if we play with that device long enough we can come up with creative new ways of using it that makes it our own. To me I think it is the same with the Bible, because god knew that these people didn't have much of an context for biology, genetics, diseases, physics or any number of other complex subjects, he didn't include them in the bible because they weren't important to his message. I don't need to know how food born illnesses work to know that handleing a carcass can make me sick. So instead of explaining why handling that dead cow is a bad idea he just told them not to touch it, or how to be come "clean" if they did. Then we did our thing and made that guideline into a law. Also in that sense, I believe that the Bible only holds part of the picture, so i think there are a lot of things that do exist that the bible doesn't talk about because they are not nessicary to the part of the picture that the bible pertains to.
I know that there are things out there that the bible doesn't discuss. Speciffically speaking, I'm talking about the fey. The Bible says that god created every living thing, but it doesn't go into a whole lot of detail about what all those living things were. We assume that god created the dinosaurs, and that they were distroyed in the flood, but the bible doesn't specificly mention them. yet we know that they existed from the fossiliezed remains we've found. In the same since I believe that god created the fey, though what exactly they were intended to be, or what roll they were intended to fill I don't know. I do know however that they exist, and like us, they have changed aswell since the fall. I think perhaps they were intended to be nature spirits so to speak, the embodyment and voice of the flora and fauna of the pre fall world. Condsidering we only have a very faint idea of what our world my have been like pre-fall there could have been even more amazing things that existed.
All right so as I stated I believe that the Bible was intended as a guide to a people really didn't understand how the world around them works, and has served as a history, I don't think that the Bible was ever intended to be used like the catholic church has used it. Namely as the means to securing their power because they felt they had the authority to enact God's justice for him. I don't believe that god ever intended for the Bible to be used that way, and I con only image how it must have felt to see his words twisted, and manipulated like that. Yes god gave us his message in the Bible, but we are free to do with it as we like due to an absolutely amazing concept called free will. I think this is one of the most miss-understood concepts in existance. Think about what that concept means for a moment, and really consider it. I have seen so many people trying to find reasons to ignore freedom of will, so that they can blame god for everything that's wrong. Which bugs me because the blame for why things are the way they are get shifted from our selves and satan, the real culprits, to god simply to demonize him.
The entire basis of what I believe is based around the concept of free will. When Lucifer rebeled against god and got the 1/3rd of the angels to follow him, he attracted those angels by the argument that god was not giving them the freedom to disagree with him dispite God's claims that he was. This was centered around Lucifer's jelousy that God did not consult him when creating the earth, and because of that we got caught up in the middle of the argument. God devised the test that would determine if he really was giving us free will or not, the infamous tree of knowedgle. The idea was not so much to see if we would obey him, although if we had we would not have become the giunee pigs for this test. It was more to see if god would allow us to do what ever we wanted without being forced to to follow his will. However humanity made the choice to eat the fruit and defie god's explicit command, and thus this earth became the battle ground for this argument.
Now that I've explained why I think free will is so important let me say this. While god claims to have given us free will, he did not claim to give us freedom from the responsibilities of our actions. And because Satan hates, because he believes god loves us more then god loves him, I believe that satan has been making this world as horrible as possbile to get back at god, and to try to manipulate him into doing soemthing that would prove he is not giving us free will. Thus a world created in perfection has been forced to de-evolve to the cess pool we currently reside in. However Satan has not been alone in his efforts, we, ourselves have provided him with an enourmous amount of help in his goals. Now while some of the aspects of our nature may have been helped along by satan, I doubt he has to do much at this point to keep us in a state of apathetic chaos. It's like a gift that keeps on giving, we're doing most of the work for him now. Look around at the state of the world right now, and try to tell me that we're not doing it to ourselves.
Now since we were given freedom of will, that means that god can not get directly involved to make us do what he wants with out contradicting his word that he has given us freedom of will. This means that he has to let people become drug addicts or murderes or rapists or do any other action that would cause pain on others because that would restrict that persons freedom of will. It means that god has to let us do the good along with the bad, and that he also has to watch as we have to deal with the painful realities caused by our actions or bliefs. However this does not mean that god is unable to do anything, he can try to guide and direct us, like a sheep dog rounding up a herd. However of one of those sheep chooses to leave the security of the herd, he has to let them go. He can encourage them to stay but he can not make them stay.
Now I think that there is 1 situation where god acted directly because satan had created a situation that could have completely ended this little test before anything had been resolved. I'm talking about sadam and gamoria, the two cities that were completely distroyed by fire from the sky. Lets look for a moment at what the Bible says about these two cities. It calls it a city were there was not even 1 person who had not partaken in some sort of sin. It discribes these cities as corrupt that they would do anything they wanted to sate their greed and lust. So what would this really be like, in terms of biology, socialogy, and such. Well for one thing crime would be off the charts, theft, murder, drug and alcohol related deaths aswell. Second, we know that these people held no reservations reguarding any sexual act, nor did they have any reservations as far as whom they performed these acts with. Lets consider for a moment how quickly disease would have spread in such an environment. Also lets consider the fact that these two town were major trading towns, I believe that is how they gained the power and riches they had. So you have merchants coming through, indulging themselves in the local entertainment. Picking up slaves, quite possibly sex slaves who are then taken all over the known world to serve their new masters. Along with them they brought all of the aspects of their culture, and these diseases. I don't think it's a huge leap in logic to see how this could have ended the human race if action had not been taken.
Now as far the claims that if you are not a Christian you are going to hell...I don't buy it. Think about all the stereotypes reguarding Christianity, these are what uninformed people think of this religion is about. Can you really blame some one for not wanting to get a better picture of something that seems to promote bigotry or racism? I certainly cant, and I don't think God can either. Bascially I don't think that being presented with a misrepresented picture of god, or christianity is any worse then never having even heard of him. I believe god is not so conserned with what a person believes because he knows that when this is over there is going to be plenty of time to set the reord straight. I think he is more concerened with what people's intentions and motivations are. For example if I wish to live my life with the intention of being a better person, then god is able to lend his power and give me the strength to over come my problems, reguardless of what I believe. However some one who's life is driven by greed or lust, is inheirantly refusing god's help. Sort of like how hell is sperated from purgatory in Dante's Divine comedy. The people found in hell, were doing the same things as the people found in purgatory, however the motivations behind their actions were different. Those in hell allowed the distructive actions take controll of their lives, embraced them, and did not care what happened because of them. Yet the people in purgatory were not ruled by them, they wished to be better people, yet still made mistakes as we all do. Which is why I do not think of god as a condeming deity consumed with justice. I see a god that loves me more then I can comprehend, and is looking for any possible means of saving me. He's not looking down at me from some remote corner of the universe, but is right beside me going through everything that I am, trying to guide me.
- Mood: contemplative
Obviously since this is a goth forum religion is a major hot topic. Of course many of these people can't stand christians and have many mistaken ideas about chrisanity due to stereotypes about christians. Also thanks to this website, I have come to the realisation that Evolution has progressed being science into the realm of religion. Now I know that a lot of people will disagree with me, and boy did that idea not sit well with the people who blindly ascribe to evolution on this website. However they just couldn't seem to understand how many massive leaps of faith they were making in order to assume that it's is fact instead of a theory that does have a lot of evidence behind it. (and yes I know I'm using the word theory incorrectly here, but I'm not writting this for scientists, I'm writting this for myself who is not a scientist.) They refused to understand how fluid human thought is, and choose to ignore the trends reguarding scientific thought for the last several hundred years. They choose to call me paranoid for notice trends in the scientific world, that mirror trends preceeding dark times in our history. And of course they refused to even consider every peice of evidence that I've heard of that supports the idea of a short chronology...(not creationism, but a short chronology....I know that most evolutionary scientists cant see a difference between those two things, but I do.)
I have always had an issue with the creation vs evolution debate. Mainly because the logical side of my brain likes the idea of evolution, but the emotional part of my brain can not let go of my christian beliefs. So for nearly 8 years bnow a debate has raged in my head between evolution and christianity. It is fueld by the mud slinging, botched science, and unethical actions of all sides involved. (and I do mean all sides, so far I haven't seen a single side of this debate that has not used the same tatics, which rarely actually seem to include science.) I had hoped that by discussing these topics I would be able to get a better understanding of it and learn the why and how scientists could put so much faith into this theory. I was hoping that these people could teach, and inreturn help me to understand the ramifications of evidence that doesn't appear to support evolution. However when they figured out that I don't believe in it, it turned into a lets make spider feel stupid fest, even when I was begging for help understanding, they refused to listen. 8 years to have a debate raging in your head is a long time, I can rarely go to sleep with out it coming up in my mind, and I can't shut it off. I had so wished that learning more would end this debate instead the whole situation only added fuel to the fire. Although the real discussion of evolution vs creationism is really for a different post.
Now this is not the only thing that I noticed, I also saw that the people who are normally willing to discuss other religions would refuse to answer questions that didn't pertain the chrisitianity. They would ignore, or respond condisendly to my questions. Yet even after all of this my desire to be accepted by these people over rides my good sense reguarding what is healthy for me. Seeing as every time I see how they ignore me, or react condisendingly to me I start to feel that I am not good enough to be accepted by them, and what little self-esteem that I may have built up goes down the drain. Now logically I know that the way they make me feel is over reacting, yet I've also come to reailze that the emotions I feel are very really even if they do seem illogical or over reacting. I know logically that the reasons they won't accept me have nothing to do with my own self worth, but I just can't seem to seperate it.
For about a month I did not go to the website, trying to build up myself esteem again. However a couple of days I broke down and went back. Nothing has changed, and my hope feels betrayed again. I knew this would be the outcome if I went back, and yet I did anyways. It's so frustrating to feel like I have to be on the outside looking in, because I have a lot of respect for several of these people. And several of them I wanted to get to knwo better, however it's clear they don't want to know me because they can't comprehend how I can be a christian and a human being at the same time. I know my beliefs about christianity are a bit unorthadox, because I don't believe a lot of the super stricked, "do this or go to hell" bull. So I've found that no one is going to accept me for who I am...not the church i used to go to, because I don't accept that kind of bull, and not people on line, because I do otherwise accept christianity. My husband refuses to talk about religion because he finds it uncomfortable, which I can understand, and a lot of my irl friends aren't interested either or I don't really think they understand some of the realizations that I've come to. It's really frustrating to me when I want to discuss something like this in an open minded, friendly mannor, and the responses I feel I am getting are, "you don't talk about these kinds of things" "your stupid for believeing this" "Your stupid for not understanding the real truth" "i'm not interested" now while faith is a very personal thing, it is also a social thing, yes you do need to develop a personal relashonship with god, but learning form others is just as important.
It's also so frustrating when I feel like people are telling me that my point of view, my oppinions, and my way of thinking are invalid because they don't match what everyone else thinks, feels, or does. Why is it such a difficult thing to validate other's beliefs? It doesn't require that you actually belive what they do, just that you accept that they believe it. Which is why it's so frustrating with this website because I want their acceptance so badly, and yet I know I will never be able to get it because almost none of them are willing to change their perceptions of christians.
- Mood: depressed
Now while this tail is a fanciful prelude to an enaging computer game. I think that the simalarities to that game, and our current economic crisis, in which oil plays a large roll, are rather interesting. I don't think we're gonna end up with a cataclysmic nuclear war, but i'm also not going to ignore the possibility....not that there'd be much I could do either way. But I think the game does say something about our dependence on oil, and paints a pretty graphic portrait of one possibility if we don't come up with some solutions soon.
- Mood:
bouncy
I guess the main thing going through my mind right now is the stuff that's been going on. The life stuff, like frustrations at work, with the stupid people I have to work with. Also watching my little boy get bigger and contemplaiting his future, and along those longs contemplaiting my financial future and hoping that I can get things back under controll. And of course avoiding all of that by playing games, I have a tendancy to deal with stress via a one track means of dealing with things.
- Mood: bitchy
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